Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

George R.R. Martin Wheezes F You to Fans

Game of Thrones author George R. R. Martin was interviewed this week and asked for his thoughts on fans who are concerned that he will die before he finishes the series. Double R was flustered by the insinuation that his health might not be tip-top. So much so that he made a rude hand gesture any teenager would recognize as a “nerd bird.”

Here’s the video:

I think we can all understand why RR was offended. The very idea that white-haired obese people just drop dead is absurd. But I don’t think that is the source of concern.

Mr. Martin, I don’t think anyone’s nearly as worried about your health as they are about a successful author’s propensity to elongate a popular series indefinitely. After all, we have been burned before. Remember Robert Jordan? I sure as hell do. And I’ll never forgive him.

Wheel of Time went on so long that when Jordan expired and Brandon Sanderson stepped in to finish the last book — the twelfth book in a planned series of six — he, Sanderson, decided that the last book should actually be split into two volumes.

Say what you will about J.K. Rowling, but at least the Harry Potter series ended. I mean, you know, she did release a Potter short story this week, but mostly ended.

Let’s just hope Sanderson’s health is strong enough that he can wrap up Double R’s GoT series, and maybe even wrap up Rowling’s post-Voldemort scribblings if she can’t resist revisits. Hell, if he has time, he can polish off her Robert Galbraith stuff too. Why not? I’m enjoying those.

Somebody get Sanderson a large water and a salad with vitamin crumbles. And make sure he’s hitting the treadmill. We’re gonna need him.