Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Choking in the Chick-Fil-A? Give 5 Back Blows

I’ve always been a fan of informational signs that include people getting harmed. You know, like the one at your apartment complex that shows the dude getting squished by the gate? Or the one on the arm of the thing that stops you from driving your car out of the parking deck at work showing a dude being beaned in the head by the very same arm? My favorite is the one where the giant angry shock cloud is totally zapping the shit out of some hapless dude.

I was reminded of those when I spotted The included image in the Thornton Road Chick Fil A yesterday.

Here’s what those numbered points say:

  1. If the victim is choking, call 911. Let the victim know you are going to help them.
  2. Hey, I’m going to help you, but first I’m going to make a quick phone call. Don’t worry, you’ll pass out long before the ambulance can get here.

  3. Give 5 back blows.
  4. Seems to me like this is something that should happen at the end as a means of thanking the person who just saved your life, but I am not a doctor or anything.

  5. Make a fist with your hand and place your (blurry words here about fisting)
  6. I’m realizing here that no mention has been made of Dr. Henry Heimlich. What ever happened to him and his maneuver?

  7. Grip your fist with your other hand and press into the victim [sic] abdomen with 5 quick inward and upward thrusts
  8. If you should happen to graze victim jiggling breasts in the process, do not make a big deal out of it. Just file it away for later.

  9. Repeat until object is dislodged
  10. Or until you reach completion, whoever comes last.

I saw one of my teachers choking once in high school. A classmate of mine performed the Heimlich, a piece of potato came rocketing out, and pretty much everyone was embarrassed.

Not sure if there were any back blows, but I don’t really want to know anyway.

One thought on “Choking in the Chick-Fil-A? Give 5 Back Blows”

  1. Kim Ozment

    Well, all I can say is thanks for writing and entertaining me. I especially enjoyed the introduction to the idea of your 3 curly toe hairs this morning at San Fran Coffee.