Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Lasers do not actually go PEW PEW PEW.

So here’s what’s going on with me. As you already know, I’ve been spending a lot of time on the Erudition podcast I’m doing with Nick Tapp. It’s a great source of fun, but also requires a lot of time. Especially now that I’m also recording custom songs for it.

But, if I may quote Nick himself, “EEEEeee! Aaah, Oooh!” Seriously, that’s how he talks.

I have been writing quite a lot.

Today had a guest post on a site called Reluctant Runners. It is about whether or not one should wear headphones in a running race. Don’t.

I’m also still writing and editing for The Leaky Wiki, which is sort of like The Onion, except TLW publishes my writing and The Onion doesn’t return my emails. I wrote one called “New ‘Superfont’ Emerges, Designers Threaten Suicide,” and another called “Crazy Girlfriend Breaks Up with Bewildered, Smothering Boyfriend.” Check those out and let me know what you think!

I’ve also started a new novel, hopefully to have the first draft finished by Christmas. It is a science fiction project about a guy called Dangerous Dan. Dan has some problems, not least of which being that people occasionally fire lasers at him. As a result, I spent some time this week researching what it would be like to have someone fire a laser at you in real life.

Long story short, such an attack would probably be quiet, invisible to the naked eye, and intensely painful, much like my farts in all respects. That aside, as a part of my research I unearthed a vast community of people who build and modify lasers, and then burn shit with them, a pastime which is, it should go without saying, fuckin’ awesome.

I had such a great conversation with the sage Jon Fasman on last week’s podcast, I think I’m going to try to get this new project traditionally published, even though I’ve been really pleased with the progress of Jack Dick and Other Stories.

If I can make a recommendation to you, it is this: start a podcast. It’s so fun and so rewarding. Our first couple episodes were a struggle, and I’ve been shot down on interview requests a few times, but it’s still really cool.

Now, I’ve got to get in a few hundred words on the Dangerous Dan project and then go see a movie. Life is good.

3 thoughts on “Lasers do not actually go PEW PEW PEW.”

  1. Patti Davis

    Couldn’t we just pretend the lasers make those cool noises…or no?

  2. jim

    Oh absolutely, we could. In fact, I think you should design a dinner party around it.

  3. Tim

    I just got a laser that is supposed to be around 100mW, but after looking at that video it seems closer to the 35 or 50. I should to try and light a match.