Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Better Bicycling Turned Me Into A Newt

PHOTO: Joe Levi
Many of my friends in the cycling community are quite pleased with the passing of the “Better Bicycling Bill” into law. The law states, among other things, that motorists passing cyclists must allow a minimum of 3 feet of space. It is being hailed as a new day for rider safety, and I couldn’t agree more.

Just take a look at the sweeping changes in driver safety we’ve experienced thanks to the anti-texting bill and you’ll know what I mean. No one texts at the wheel anymore. No one!

Of course, I think the situation still bears consideration. People in the road are willing to break pretty much any law to get to a red light first. This goes for drivers and cyclists, and its equally ridiculous in either case.

My safety is regularly encroached upon by motorists when I’m riding. They roar around me, then slam on the brakes at the next red light a few hundred feet away. Congratulations, buddy, you just burned 16 dinosaurs to beat a bike in a drag race. Cyclists are just as bad; running lights, splitting lanes, and jumping on and off the sidewalk. Only neighborhood squirrels are less predictable in the road.

Truthfully, city transportation is really just a great big game of Who Can Be The Bigger A-Hole. The only prize is frustration, and players might even wind up in the hospital. I’m not sure that another law is going to help people relax.

In my opinion, what we really need to make transportation safer is to stop validating ourselves through it. Listen: if someone cuts me off, it makes me mad. But why? Because I’m going to get home .02 seconds later? That doesn’t seem right. No, I think it’s because I validate myself through my driving and when they cut me off they impugned my sovereign conveyance. Those bastards!

Thankfully, pretty much all our problems are over as a country because either Newt Gingrich or Donald Trump is going to be our next president. America is going to win big time no matter what. Ha, just kidding. Everyone knows politics are bullshit. I just put this in here to seem like I follow the news.

Ultimately I think its nice that cycling is getting more attention, but I think that rising gas costs are probably going to do more than anything else. Hopefully within ten years only retro-fetish hipsters will drive cars around the city anymore.

2 thoughts on “Better Bicycling Turned Me Into A Newt”

  1. Jon

    you make me laugh : )

  2. Justin

    Will the retro-fetish do it with no brakes. Will the velodrome be replace with cars due to bikes crowding the streets? What would the modern alley cat be called i wonder.