Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year in advance, friends! If you’re like me, you’ve selected your most ornate ceremonial scimitars and had your footmen polish your boots to a high shine. I will be ringing in the new year tonight in the booming metropolis of Griffin, GA with a guitar slung around my neck. Yes that’s right, I have come out of retirement and taken up my axe once more!

You may remember that I completely voluntarily retired from the guitar playing arts nearly three years hence when I was asked to go fornicate myself by the band with whom I was, at the time, contracted. I needed the time off, and I enjoyed it, but now I am back and ready to ply my retarded sense of melody once more.

The difference this time is that I won’t be drunk out of my mind. I’ll have to come up with some new excuse for stinking up the joint.

Whatever your plans are for the evening, drive safe and stay out of trouble, friends. Happy new year!