Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Sick Burns

One of the most annoying things about growing up — not that I have grown up, mind you — is the stark difference between movies and reality. For instance, in movie fights there are clear series of punches thrown back and forth, each one either hits or misses individually. I was ready for this to be the case in real life, but actual school fights were basically two kids doing their impression of a wall-mounted ceiling fan and then running at one another. Very messy.

Arguments are the same way. In movies you deliver your masterful sick burn and the other person is left to smolder and seethe in the wake of its detonation. In reality, people never realize how wrong they are, and actually continue talking after you explain it to them in clear terms. Again, it is messy.

Lately there have been a few good ones, but let us not forget the sickest burn of all time.

The sickest burn of all time
In the 1988 vice presidential debate, there was concern that Dan Quayle wasn’t old enough and did not have the experience required to hold the office of Vice President. Tom Brokaw brought this up to Quayle on national TV, and Senator Quayle took offense that he’d been posed the question so many times already.

In his reply, he noted that he was no younger than a certain mister John F. Kennedy when he ran for President. At this moment in the debate, the cameras cut to a side shot in which you can see the other participant in the debate, Senator Lloyd Bentsen. His face at that moment makes me laugh every time. Historians believe this to be the very first televised “Oh no, he DI’EN” moment.

Owned, Quayle!