Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Bike Two Point Oh Here We Go

Welp, they’ve finally gone and done it. Some Korean designers have upgraded the bicycle to version 2.0 after many long years. All this time we’ve been riding around on 1.0 versions of the things and not even knowing how backwards we were. Can you imagine? The shame!

Here’s what the designer had to say about Bike 2.0:

Bike 2.0 the next generation bicycle, will give you more fun with energy boosts when you are cruising around. It makes you daily ride more comfortable with energy leveling and the stepless gearbox. You can even add the seat-tube battery and get there faster. Bike 2.0 has a generator and wires instead of a chain, so you will never get oily pants or fingers from the chain again. The two wireless control-units will control any aspect of your ride. You can easily control all this with the two wireless rings on the handlebar.

I like new bikes as much as anyone, but the problem with trying to design bike 2.0 is that bikes are already distilled to their necessary parts. It’s hard to come up with a new version of the basic frame-and-wheels that is better than the one we already have, but that doesn’t stop designers from trying. Usually they remove at least one of the tubes, or make the tubes go all over the place, all curvy and whatnot.

I think of it like trying to design a better woman. Like bicycles, some are more alluring than others, but for the most part, their respective parts are in the same general places. Moving them around or taking some away doesn’t necessarily make them better.

The included photo of Bike 2.0 is pretty, I’ll grant you that, but with the down tube and chain stays missing, your options for locking it up are limited. On top of that, I’m willing to bet that Bike 2.0 is approximately as stiff as would be a traditional bike frame made from warm cheese.

These practical matters are the sorts of things that designers tend to ignore a lot of the time, but honestly, that’s where innovation comes from: doing things that seem silly. You never know when one of these seemingly silly things will be a big hit and change the world.

Just wait until someone comes out with Cheryl 2.0.