Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

ThermaJock: No More Chilly Wang

This guy's wang is warm and toasty.
Although I’m not looking forward to the cold weather, I am looking forward to putting in a winter of solid effort with an eye towards being faster on the bike next year. The problem is that cold weather makes it uncomfortable to ride outside, and not riding, in turn, makes me uncomfortable. I do have a lot of warm clothing, however, which I’m hoping will allow me to ride outside at least some of the time in relative comfort, but I’ve yet to find the perfect combination for every body part. In short, my wang gets cold. I don’t mean to put too fine a point on it, but this is a problem that needs to be addressed.

Thankfully, science is forever coming up with new solutions, which is why I shouted a hearty “Huzzah!” when I read about the ThermaJock, even though my mouth was full of beer. Once the gurgling sounds had subsided, I read more deeply into the hows and whys of the ThermaJock.

Basically, its a fleece pocket that you stick your wang into before you go outside, thus keeping it warm.

Now, you might be saying to yourself, “But Jim, don’t all wangs come with a natural heating and cooling system wherein the body regulates the temperature of the male genitals by pulling them closer to the body?” You’d be right to ask this. Anyone who has gone swimming in cool water has noticed this phenomenon, known colloquially as “wang turtling” or merely “turtling”. I’m sure that Mother Nature knows best, but let’s just say that it does not leave one’s gear looking presentable.

Keep in mind: I’m not a doctor… but I’ve played one.

All I know is I’m glad to have a real solution so I can stop using a makeshift wangjacket fashioned from a beer coozie and a couple of zipties. Let’s just say that there’s been some intensely uncomfortable pinching in the past.

Of course, if I may put on my professional marketing fez for a moment, I think that the marketers of the ThermaJock are going to have some uncomfortable problems of their own when it comes to trying to show people everything there is to know about their product. Usually I would recommend they make a few short videos to demonstrate how ThermaJock works, but in this case that idea is right out. After all, one does not simply film people’s wangs and then put those videos on the internet! Can you imagine?

For a wang-free, work safe example, take a look at this video from bikeskills.com in which someone calling himself “The MB” demonstrates his bike skills in an advertisement/testimonial video. His pitch gets exceptionally compelling around the 0:35 mark.

According to the Bikeskills site, The MB wasn’t seriously hurt and thinks the video is funny, which is excellent news. It pays to have a sense of humor in life, because mistakes are going to befall all of you.

Not me, obviously, but all of you.

2 thoughts on “ThermaJock: No More Chilly Wang”

  1. ckdake

    When you told me my wang would never be cold again, thats not quite what I had in mind.

  2. jim

    Sorry buddy. Your bottom bracket is improperly threaded.