Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Southern Discomfort

This weekend I am taking part in an awesome bicycle race known as Southern Discomfort, but it must be said that I’ll be even slower than usual. No, it’s not because the racing season’s over and I am too busy stuffing my face and drinking beers to ride worth a damn, so stop thinking it. In fact, it is because I have decided to help my friend Dan McCauley put the race on, and will not actually be riding. As part of that help, I am now going to describe the thing in its entirety so that you will come and participate despite the fact that you know I’ll be there. It really is going to be a fun event.

Riders will gather in the parking lot of Twain’s Billiards and Tap in Decatur, GA. I and my entourage of one dozen sleek and beautiful lady assassins will ride by in my wheeled menagerie drawn by a team of white horses. We will, of course, be throwing snakes at the assembled throng, as the menagerie does not have a horn. We have to get through the crowd somehow, after all.

Once we are through, there will be a signal of some kind to start riding, probably a mighty blast from a trumpet or something. Riders will leap as one aboard their bikes, and then ride at breakneck speeds to Stone Mountain where there will be some checkpoints and challenges to navigate. I will be in the park somewhere doing something. I have no idea what yet, but something, certainly. Perhaps I will be being fed grapes on a leather sedan chair, but its more likely that I’ll be standing around and/or running my mouth.

All kidding aside, come do Dan’s race, Southern Comfort. He’s gotten truly amazing trophies and “shwag” to give out. I don’t want to give anything away on that front but trust me when I tell you that you want to be there. When he told me what the prizes looked like I immediately regretted agreeing to help because it means I can’t compete. Not that I would have been able to win in any case, but at least I’d have had a chance.

On another note, I want to talk briefly about a more serious situation. Currently the bicycling blogosphere is raging and frothing on itself over the case of Martin Joel Erzinger of Colorado, who struck and gravely injured cyclist Dr. Steven Milo. Erzinger then left the scene, telling police later that he didn’t know he hit Milo. It’s a terrible thing to have happen to anyone, and my sympathies are with Dr. Milo.

The case has struck a chord with those members of the internet who sympathize with all cyclists, understandably, but some of them are taking things a bit too far when it comes to extrapolating the motives of those involved. A few comments make it seem like Erzinger is getting off scot free because he’s rich. It seems to me more likely, having read the article, that Hurlbert decided to get a conviction on misdemeanor charges rather than an acquittal on a felony charge, especially since getting a conviction on a felony – were he even able to get that felony conviction – would mean no financial restitution for Milo.

Hey, I wasn’t there and I don’t know all the facts so don’t listen to me, but, you know, just be aware that sometimes… things you see on the internet are — how shall I put this? — kinda not 100% right.