Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Hipster City Cycle

At last, science and commerce have joined hands and engaged in a sloppy makeout to create Hipster City Cycle, a video game whose time has certainly come. I’ve just seen a video of the gameplay and it looks like a lot of fun. It even has trackstands! I’m sure I will download it when it becomes available in the App Store, if for no other reason than it will give me an outlet for riding like a jerk without actually endagering myself, others, or cycling as a whole.

Here’s a fancy-pantsy video of the action:

Now as you know, I don’t condone riding like a jerk, but I also don’t condone shooting people and then laughing about it, which is what I do in other video games all the time. I don’t really subscribe to the notion that doing something in a video game means that you’re more likely to do that same thing in real life. After all, I’ve been shooting bad guys in video games since the first time I played DOOM back in the mid 90’s and the only time I saw bad guys in real life I drove away and dialed 911.

It’s also true that I get plenty of chances to track stand in real life since I stop at red lights, but I’m still looking forward to playing Hipster City Cycle. I hope it is a big success for the people who’ve worked on it, so please buy it. I mean come on, think back… when was the last time you saw any cycling game on any platform?

Yeah, that’s right. Never.

With luck, this will kick off a spate of new games. I even have some ideas for a few:

Alleycat Mode – Wouldn’t be that much different from the current game, but the other cyclists would be real players from the internet. Female racers would be limited to 10%, but those women would still be eternally pissed that there aren’t as many prizes for them as for men.

Digital Mass – This would use the same gameplay as Hipster City Cycle, but would be a massively multiplayer game which would allow all the hipsters in the same coffee shop to join together and ride slowly down the in-game street during rush hour. Points are gained by corking intersections and annoying drivers and lost by getting tickets from the cops.

Roadie Mode – Most of this game would involve buying color-coordinated lightweight carbon fiber gear, but not much actual riding since your in-game character would be saving himself for sunday’s race. Points would be awarded for shaved legs and espresso drinking instead.

Of course these are just off the top of my head, but all kidding aside, I think it’s pretty cool that someone’s made a bike riding game that actually looks like fun. Now it just needs to appear in the App Store.

4 thoughts on “Hipster City Cycle”

  1. David

    This game looks fabulous. And the timing couldn’t be better given my recent crash. Too bad my Android device looks like it’ll be left out in the cold. :-(

  2. jim

    Well, that’s one of the big draws of Android, isn’t it? The open nature of the marketplace? Just make your own!

  3. Tony Bullard

    Of course they won’t make it for Android devices…the iPhone is the official phone of the hipster…they may dress and pretend to be geeks, but they’re still not geeky enough to buy an Android phone.

    /still rocking my old ass hacked up G1

  4. Alex

    Of course we WILL make it for Android! It’ll be out on Apple initially but expect a version for your Android devices shortly thereafter!