Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Serious Cycling Promotion: LOL BIKES

I’ve just gone a-wandering down the wide, friendly boardwalk of the Internet and come to a thoughtful stop at a site claiming to be that of the South Florida Bike Coalition. It seems that Atlanta is not the only city with a two-wheeled Coalition, although ours is on the outs with me right now for ignoring my job application. Even though this is the typical response displayed by all employers any time I have attempted to get any job in my life, I’m still surprised every time.

Ah well, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, or in this case, plenty of other Coalitions in America’s wang. The fact that they call themselves the South Florida Bicycle Coalition leads me to hope that there might be a North Florida one, possibly even a Panhandle one. That’s a whole lotta Coalition!

As an aside, if you’re unfamiliar with the concept of a “panhandle” in terms of state geography, in Florida’s case, that’s the tainty part before you get to the Mississippi delta, which is America’s anus.

The SFBC is accepting submissions for billboards which will be displayed electronically along I-95. These billboards hope to help educate drivers about cycling, and thus promote relationships between drivers and bicycle enthusiasts throughout the land. It is a noble cause and a fine ideal, but for the life of me I cannot think of a proper message, aside from “LOL BIKES” that is.

There’s just not enough room to go into what a great feeling it is to use a bike for all those small trips which make up the greatest percentage of my transportation life in the space provided. That’s the message I really want to get across, but its something that has to be experienced to be understood. Naturally I can’t invite every citizen of South Florida over to my house in Atlanta to give cycling a try (only the good looking ones), so what can I put on a billboard to help get the message across?

Well, it should definitely be an image rather than words so that the message is understood quickly. It should include someone smiling, most likely a pretty girl, so that the viewer knows that the message is about happiness, but also a T-Rex so that they know that whatever’s going on is awesome. Probably can’t hurt to an explosion thrown in there just to polish the thing off.

Here’s what I’ve got:

Now that I look at that image, I’m not sure it will be helpful either, but I’m trying. In the mean time, if you are a South Florida resident and you believe yourself attractive enough to be seen on a bike with me, please submit a 1500 word essay titled “Taint Misbehavin'” along with a non-refundable application fee of $20 which I will spend on beers after depositing your essay, unread, in the trash.

Sorry South Florida, I have my own Atlanta cycling public to concern myself with.

2 thoughts on “Serious Cycling Promotion: LOL BIKES”

  1. Pamela
     · 

    Uhhh…where are the kittens in tiny hats?

  2. jim
     · 

    That… is a good question.