Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Thor Hushovd Wins Worlds and Cadel Evans enters a midlife crisis

Though the focus last night in my neck of the woods was Atlanta sports, way down in Australia the pros were racing to determine the world champion road racer. Thor Hushovd took first place and the rainbow jersey, which is great news for two reasons. The first is that I like Thor, and the second is he’s not Cadel Evans.

This is a bit of a paradox because the second reason is itself a big reason for the first reason, but the takeaway point here is that we have a world champion for next year who probably isn’t going to attempt to slap anyone.

It might not be Cadel’s fault that he’s touchy and prone to ineffectual violence, however. At 33 years of age, he could just be entering an early-onset mid-life crisis, which is apparently making men buy expensive road bicycles, if you believe the article I read about the trends in such things.

Sports cars are a great way for a man of means to demonstrate virility, good credit, and doucheyness.
Apparently, an organization known as the “Institute for Studies” found that 43% of men have “spent more than £500 on a bike without really knowing why”. Of course we are all familiar with the Institute for Studies, situated in that city. Some guys work there. They do things.

By the way, just to be clear, everything you read on the internet, and especially everything on this blogural weblet, is 100% true.

Having said that, I doubt seriously that bikes are ever going to replace sports cars as the mid-life crisis item to have simply because no one thinks that road racing bikes impress girls. In fact, they seem to be a mild form of girl repellant to which only a small portion (5%) of the female population is immune. By and large if you want to interest girls in a bicycle, you’re going to need to dispense with the carbon fiber, paint it a pretty color, and attach a basket to the front.

Mind you, I don’t think that a sports car is a good way to get girls either, because there’s just no good way to approach women in a parking lot or driveway without coming off like a creepster, and you can’t drive your awesome sports car inside. On top of that, working the conversation around to your awesome car is a bit of a stretch because the only people who will care to talk about cars are you and other dudes.

I’m not going through a mid-life crisis, I don’t think, so I can’t say for sure what the motivators are, but I think that if you want to meet girls your best bets are some decent clothes, a shower, and a couple of good jokes, all of which can be had for lots less than a carbon fiber bicycle. Extra points for “change a lightbulb” jokes on the topic of feminism. 75% of women love those. Try it!

Of course I’m just glad that the sport of cycling is in the news for some reason other than doping. It was nice to read a whole article on CNN without a single mention of Alberto Contador and his clenbuterol beef taint.

Just kidding, it’s right in the middle. Sigh.