Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Actual Cat helmets to replace Catlike Whisper

I’ve just sauntered over to the Velonews cycling webular site in order to peruse their latest articles and to get a sense of what exorbitant cycling gear I won’t be able to afford this fall. Happily, I found an article on the latest helmets from Catlike and Lazer right away which fit the bill perfectly.

First of all, let me say that I am a big fan of helmets. Ever since I fell during a commute to work in 2001 and landed hard enough for my head to bounce off the pavement, I have been sold on the idea of protective headgear. I’m pretty sure that had I not been wearing a helmet that day I would be even dumber and less good to make understanding than I already sandwich.

Unfortunately, at $275, I do not have nearly enough money to buy a Catlike Whisper helmet. This is a tremendous blow to my ego because I think I look really good on a bike and in my cycling gear, despite the fact that there are photographs numbering in the hundreds of me looking like a fat douche. Denial is a wonderful thing, but it is hard to maintain these lies to myself without the latest gear used by the pros.

I’m trying to fill this hole in my life by listening to George Michael’s timeless hit Careless Whisper over and over again.

It helps, but there’s still a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, which is why I have decided to make my own Catlike helmet replacement, with a few modifications. Chief among these will be the lack of traditional painting methods, and the use of actual cats. Here’s one of my early Actual Cat production models being tested by none other than the people’s cyclist himself, Jens Voigt.

Just think of the benefits! Not only is your head protected, but you get a sense of companionship lacking in other manufacturer’s helmets. Sure there are some drawbacks, such as some yowling noises and possibly getting scratched about the head and neck by your helmet should it be rainy out, but I have solved this issue by wearing a BMX-style helmet under my Actual Cat helmet to protect me from it should it get mad about something.

Needless to say, this idea has real potential. Actual Cat helmets could also be used in the workplace, wherever people need head protection that is itself potentially harmful.

I look forward to making a lot of money on this!

5 thoughts on “Actual Cat helmets to replace Catlike Whisper”

  1. Scott

    Some how in my life, I will make you pay for impregnating my brain with that song today….DAMN YOU JIM HODGSON!

  2. jim

    Guilty feet have got no rhythm, Scott.

  3. bob d

    You could brand it with the “meow mix” song on the commercials too.

  4. Traci

    I’m all for anything that might make drivers notice (and thus, hopefully avoid killing) me on my bike rather than being preoccupied with texting, reading, applying makeup, etc. Your cat helmet might be just the thing ;)