Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Dopewater or Lancegate? The Scandal Continues!

I posted a few days ago about my cycling hero Mario Cipollini and his peculiar habit of massaging his bicycles, and included a link to the Twisted Spoke, where there was an indication that Cipo’s new bikes would be used by team ISD. Well lo and also behold, I’ve learned today that ISD is now joining forces with Lampre. We may soon see Alessandro Petacchi performing a bit of Tuscan Saddle Massage atop a Cipollini frame.

This would mean a surge in power not seen since the Ghostbusters crossed the streams, except instead of plasma or whatever those streams were made of, these’ll be pure green white and red testosterone, and the result will be some very angry sprinters.

Judging by the photo above, these proceedings are going to leave Cavendish looking not unlike Batboy, who was one hell of a sprinter in his own right.

Meanwhile, Lance Armstrong finds his legal peloton growing by the day in defense against the accusations being lobbed by Floyd Landis. Having new members has got to feel a bit like a real life ride, in that it might be both a blessing and a curse. When someone new joins your group in either case, It is a blessing that they can share some of the work, but it is a curse in the case of a rider that they were able to catch you in the first place, and a curse in the case of a legal team that they’re billing you by the hour.

After all, time is money, and speed is change over time. There can be no doubt, therefore, that Lance should hire Mario Cipollini. Yeah, I said it.

Look, Lance is in a little hot water. Not a lot, but a little. You can tell it’s not a lot of hot water because the scandal hasn’t received a cutesy name with one of the approved scandal suffixes yet. These being, naturally, “-water” and “-gate”. This tradition started with Watergate, but then branched out in the Clinton years to Whitewater and Lewinskygate. Google searches for “Dopegate”, and “Dopewater” turned up nothing Lance-related, but I did get a hit for Lancegate on the Slowtwitch forums, which is appropriate as Lance is now a triathlete once more.

With this investigation gathering momentum, real journalists will have to settle sooner rather than later on the cutesy name they wish to apply to it. All I can do as a vile blogger is prattle on and pray someone takes me seriously, but there is good news: at least I’m not posting on a forum!