Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Cycling in the Top Left Corner

A number of my friends have moved out to the Pacific Northwest, and though I understand it to be a great place to be a cyclist, it is not, as I recall from a few trips there, a great place to be a single male. Though I’m sad to see my friends go, I’m staying here in Atlanta. We have hotter girls, and more of them.

In fact, I think Atlanta has far and away the most attractive female citizenry, based on my travels. I’ve been to London, New York, Paris, Miami, Las Vegas… too many major metropolitan areas to list, and I still believe that there are more attractive women here than anywhere else. Granted, I haven’t been everywhere yet, but I’m working on it.

Witness this simple experiment that I’ve just performed to illustrate my point. I typed “Atlanta girls” and “Portland girls” into Google Image Search each in their own browser tab, and have linked here the first results for each. I think the results speak for themselves. Note that your results may be skewed if you are Googling with “SafeSearch” set to “Moderate” or “Strict”. It has to be set to “Off”.

Atlanta Girls

Portland Girls

From http://nerdword.blogspot.com

So what’s the attraction to the Pacific Northwest, or as I call it, The Top Left Corner, or TLC for short? Well, they have beautiful scenery, rugged outdoors, and a Starbucks coffee shop to homeless person ratio of 1:1. More importantly, it is legal to bicycle in Washington state when you’re drunk. Not only that, the cops have to offer to take you somewhere safe should they consider you imperiled.

I’m tempted to go visit my friends in Seattle and get sloshed off my chamois just to see if I can get a ride from the police, although they probably don’t accost people for giggling, or for considering themselves to be writers. I might have to do something actually rowdy, which could taint the results, and no one, but no one… likes a tainted result.

The last time I was in Seattle I got into an exploration of fine whisky and ended up face down in a parking lot, then tossed bodily into a car as I threatened everyone involved with violence. No bikes or cops were involved. I’m game to try again, though.

Anyway, as I say, I’m sad to see my friends move to such a far flung locale, but at least they are playing it smart. They’re moving out there with women they met here.

7 thoughts on “Cycling in the Top Left Corner”

  1. Justin
     · 

    I’ll drink to that!

  2. Bob Dornlan
     · 

    Brunks Seattle edition would get out of hand I think.

  3. Tony Bullard
     · 

    I don’t care what anyone else says…those unnaturally orange tights Hooters girls wear are just creepy.

  4. John Tackett
     · 

    Jim, When I was in Hood River, OR, just to the east of Portland, I noticed the same thing first hand. None of those “plump asses” that I like to follow when riding my bike. Though the scenery of the mountains and river was beautiful, the scenery on the bikes made me wish I was doing a ride in Buckhead.

  5. jim
     · 

    I agree with and endorse all of the above comments.

  6. Neil Cadsawan
     · 

    You’re welcome to visit Portland any time. Though you should also get out to Bend for some truly spectacular rides.

    I love my daily commute over the west hills in Portland, watching the sun rise behind Mt. Hood. :D

  7. D
     · 

    Jim,
    Have you ever visited Barcelona?