While I was traveling to the greater Los Angeles area last January, some jerk relieved me of my sunglasses. They were stuck in the side pocket of my laptop bag when I left Atlanta, and completely missing when I arrived. I guess its possible that they wiggled free of their own accord, but I kept them in their special place in my bag made to keep things from wiggling free.
They were a great pair of sunglasses, and lasted me a couple of years. They rested comfortably on my face and protected me from harmful rays, which is why, upon discovering their absence, I fell to my knees and vehemently cursed the west coast of the United States, air travel as a whole, and the sun itself.
That done, I excused myself to my fellow travelers and got shakily to my feet in the baggage claim area. Thankfully, like any person with tremendous unfounded self esteem, or perhaps merely unbounded vanity, I carry a backup pair of shades at all times when traveling. I placed them on my face and carried on about my business, vowing to select and purchase a replacement pair when I got home.
I chose a pair of aviator-style sunglasses from Randolph Engineering, as an homage to one of my favorite movies of all time, Top Gun. After all, nothing makes women hotter than dudes in aviator sunglasses who feel the need — the need for speed!
The glasses themselves are of excellent quality and are very comfortable on my face. So far this summer, however, they have failed to show the sorts of results with the ladies I was expecting. I’m pretty sure that’s only because I’m not blasting Kenny Loggins’s hit theme song, “Dangerzone“, loud enough, though.
Now, I should interject that I am pretty sure that I’m a wolfman, or at least, have some wolfman heritage. I was adopted by my parents at the age of 4mos, so my true parentage is unclear. I could easily have wolfman parents. My chief piece of evidence is the aggressive nature with which my body grows hair. That, and my proclivity for roaming the streets late at night, howling at the moon and biting people.
Nowhere is my aggressive hair growth more apparent than between my eyebrows, where each brow strives earnestly to grow out to meet the other. I pluck these hairs regularly, especially since one feature of these Randolph Engineering shades is that they provide a viewing window for your unibrow.
I do my best to keep the area nicely plucked so they can work their Kenny Loggins/Tom Cruise magic to their fullest potential. I know that they will come through for me, but just in case I’m also working on my smile. Check it out!