Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Appropriately Sized Bicycles and the Sternal Notch

Buenas Notches!

I’ve just found out about a new body part that I didn’t know I had, called the sternal notch. I found out about it from the Competitive Cyclist fit calculator, which is an application designed to tell you what size bicycle you should be suffering on.

For those of my two regular readers who aren’t cyclists — and since I’m pretty sure that one of my regular readers is the Google indexing robot and the other is me, that would be 50% of my readership — yes, bicycles have sizes. There’s even bicycle size fashion! Indeed, the smaller your frame is and the longer your resulting seat post/stem must be as a result, the cooler you are in the cycling world.

As such, in order to ensure that my next road bike is sized appropriately to give the impression that I am good at riding it, even though I will immediately dispel such a notion as soon as I begin to do so, I have used the fit calculator to determine precisely what size bicycle I can’t afford.

Luckily I have been able to find a bike and frame that will fit my style as well as suffering needs as soon as I can afford it, which in this economy will my 67th birthday.

This frame is made from condensation that forms on enormous diamonds in space.

As you can see from the above photo, once I am able to purchase that bicycle, I will be up to my sternal notch in praise and adulation. This leads me to wonder if I should conduct some research on the subject of proper sternal notch styling. As you can see from the photo at the top of this post, mine has a few hairs growing in it. Should I shave them? Should they stand up straight?

I need to remember to ask the girl who cuts my hair what she thinks about it.

According to the Wikipedia article on sternal notches, some people find this area of the body to be an erogenous zone, which is a clinical term that means “a place where someone might like to touch you”.

The suprasternal notch or well is seen as a point of attraction by many men and women.

The suprasternal notch can be highlighted subtly by wearing pendants or necklaces which rest in that area, to draw focus to a part of the body that can be considered an erotic or sensual zone. In this way, exhibiting the notch is more understated in exhibiting sensuality than the usual areas (legs, chest, hips etc.) and is considered an erogenous zone.

One assumes it can also be highlighted non-subtly by having a giant red arrow that points to it tattooed on one’s neck, or by wearing a tiny battery-operated neon sign that reads “NOTCH HERE”.

There are many parts of the female body that are of interest to me, but the neck area is remarkable because it is a great place to make fart noises by putting my face there and blowing through my lips. This is a seduction technique that I have employed for many years with great success for my own enjoyment and limited success in pleasing the female in question.

Hopefully once I learn to properly style my sternal notch hairs and get an appropriately sized and appropriately priced bicycle, some fine woman will be willing to overlook a few fart noises on her neck here and there. Time will tell.

2 thoughts on “Appropriately Sized Bicycles and the Sternal Notch”

  1. Alastair

    You mistakenly chose the customise option bike selection ‘circus freak’. An easy mistake to make.

  2. jim

    Ah yes. I guess I just instinctively say yes to anything circus-freak-related.