Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

The Adventure Race

I have long wanted to try adventure racing out, and as of Saturday morning I can say that I have done one adventure racing style event. I can also say that I have sunburn, scratches up and down my legs, and a few spots of poison ivy.

One could describe an adventure race as an entire week’s worth of summer-camp-style minor injuries crammed into a few hours.

I did have a lot of fun hanging out with my teammates Laura and Bob, and Laura and I took the opportunity to pick and eat some wild blackberries we found. It was also a great excuse to wear my racing onesie which hasn’t seen action since Ironman last August. Lord knows I take every opportunity to look like a wildly-colored sausage.

I think I could design and build a new kind of exercise machine that simulates the adventure racing experience.

First, as soon as you sat on it, it would dump water on you, as I had to “swim” across a lake on top of a floaty raft while wearing a life jacket. It would be shaped like a bicycle, and you would have to pedal it, but then the machine would force you to stop every few minutes to simulate all the people stopping dead in front of me on the bike, nearly causing me to wreck into them. The pedals would drive a whipping system that would lash your legs with briars to simulate trekking through the underbrush.

Lastly, the machine would decide how long your workout would be, not the person. This would simulate the time we spent looking for checkpoints all over the place using a map with almost no reference points on it at all.

I think we could have done a lot better if we knew how to adventure race, but we didn’t. It was a great excuse to hang out with my friends, though, which is always welcome.

I have composed the following limerick for anyone considering adventure racing:

If you fancy an adventure race
instead you should punch your own face
it’s faster by far
can be done in the car
and saves traipsing all over the place

One thought on “The Adventure Race”

  1. Bob Donlan
     · 

    UGH!