Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Go Away, Naughty

I agreed to have one beer. After all, I like hanging out with my friends as much as anyone does, and what can a single beer hurt?

It was decided that I would meet Mike at his favorite local pub since he came to my side of town last time. Neither of us particularly likes to leave his neighborhood, but solid buddies are rare.

I drank my beer and Mike regaled me with tales of the ridiculous things the women in his life had been up to lately. Apparently one had been particularly crazy, and he was filling me in on all the details when he stopped and said “…and there she is.”

I turned around and sure enough, there was a nice looking girl making a beeline for Mike. They chatted a bit, and she moved away to hang out with her two girl friends.

“I’m not doing it,” he said.

“Oh yes you are. You’re doing it for sure.”

Sometimes girls are like beer. Yes they’re great and they can help you have a really fun night, but where does it lead?

I ordered the salmon with green beans, and it was delicious. Soon Derek arrived and the three of us sipped beers and enjoyed ourselves. Derek also rides bikes, so I got to talk about racing with someone who knew what I was talking about. That’s a rare pleasure.

As he was talking I noticed a girl approaching from behind him. She gave him the elevator eyes, then slapped him full on the ass and kept walking toward the bathroom.

“She just slapped my ass,” he said.

“I saw.”

A few moments later she returned and danced all over Derek and Mike. I tried to politely ignore it and she elbowed me for not dancing. She had a few things to say as she danced. They are listed here:

1. Yes, she is naughty.
2. She hasn’t been naughty in a long time.
3. Her boyfriend is over there.

Sure enough, a guy walked by to check on her, but by this time the boyfriend news had pretty much ruined the fun for everyone and we were glad to see her go. Someone’s probably into girls who act like that, but we’re not they. I feel bad for that guy. He probably really likes that ridiculous woman.

Now, look. I don’t mean to say that I am a catch by any means. Lord knows I am terrible with women for the chief reason that I always end up liking them. There’s seemingly nothing women hate more than being respected or appreciated, and although I understand that and try my best to adequately ignore any girl I am dating, I still screw it up.

Still, as much as I appreciate all the fun I’ve had in my life, I’d like to get on to doing something serious at some point, and I know my buddies feel the same way. I’ve made mistakes and been a dick, but I’ve also grown up some and achieved a few things.

I wonder what place there is in the world for a couple of buddies who’d kind of like to get on with something serious. Maybe none.

I finished my beer and noticed a full one on the bar, behind which was a bartender with an evil grin. I barely managed to finish that one before the shots arrived.

“Here we go again,” I thought, “Another night of fun, and all I want is to be serious for once”