Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

A Woman’s POV: Not Helpful

I read a post this morning entitled “A Woman’s POV: Why You’re Not Getting Laid” and although I should just let it go by without commenting, I can’t help myself.

While I’m sure the author is well-intentioned, I’m afraid that some poor shlub might listen to her and be less of a man as a result.

I want to start with one of the most important rules for guys. Mind you, I am no expert, this is just my opinion.

Never listen to women about how to pick up women.

Yeah, never. NEV. VER. Ever! There are a lot of reasons for this, but mostly its because she is going to describe what not to do in emotional language and you are going to attempt interpret it factually.

Here’s one examples from the article in question that’ll help me show what I’m talking about. She writes:

Cheesy lines: Unless she’s a hooker and you’ve got cash, a cheesy pick up line will not get you laid. Quite the opposite in fact.

This is a great example of what I’m talking about. You might think you understand what it’s saying, but I am going to run it through my female-to-male language translation software so that you (as a dude) can understand what’s actually being said. Here it is.

Don’t be weak or fake.

It sounds like the same thing boiled down, but its really not. You can actually say any cheesy crap you want to any girl and still end up hanging out with her as long as you are a cool guy who is fun to be around. It’s not the lines that are the problem, it’s being someone who thinks they need them that is the problem.

If you are someone who keeps their body clean and relatively well groomed, you’re wearing clothes that are presentable, and you don’t have any major emotional issues, then you have the basics.

Now look at yourself in the mirror and perfect your steely gaze. Or fashion a spear and kill something the size of a car and covered in horns. Somehow, you need to flush out the gigantic wus that is living inside you and replace it with your natural and proper howling warrior.

Hint: do not ask a girl how to do this.