Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Contact: Perhaps we shouldn’t

Even though I have no formal training in it, I consider myself something of a philosopher. I am perpetually writing and rewriting my philosophy in an attempt to maximize my life enjoyment. Currently this philosophy leans heavily toward avocados and spicy sausage and is written in crayon.

One of the main pillars of my life enjoyment philosophy is to narrow my scope to include only those things that I can have an effect on. I didn’t make that part up, as readers of the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” are already aware, but I have interpreted it to mean that being apprised of world or even national events can be detrimental to life enjoyment.

Similarly, ones enjoyment of spicy sausage can be diminished by understanding what is in it or how it is made.

For this reason, I avoid news in an inverse relationship to how local the news is to me. This means I am simultaneously a gossip hound and woefully ignorant of national goings-on.

However, since I randomly slap my keyboard with either hand every weekday morning, thus turning out this very blog, I occasionally am forced to peruse news items on the Interplops in order to come up with something to prattle on about. I flipped through a few items this morning, and now, thanks to exposure to the news I read, my life enjoyment has plummeted.

The word on the street is that Stephen Hawking, the world’s top nerd, has made some remarks that have gotten journalists all in a flutter. He indicates that humans probably shouldn’t be attempting to signal alien life forms in the same way that the Native Americans should not have welcomed Columbus.

I happen to agree, but that’s not really the sort of conclusion that takes a mind like Hawking’s to reach. In fact, I think pretty much anyone, outside of journalists perhaps, could make the same leap with little trouble.

It is a startling analog of my own life, where things are changing thanks to the friendly couple in apartment one. They’re going around introducing themselves to everyone in the building, as probably any friendly couple would, thus blowing the lid off of the tenants previous habit of barely acknowledging one another. Who can say where this will lead us all? Possibly to ruin!

I even heard them threatening to bake muffins. Muffins!

It is increasingly difficult to maintain my hermit status, but I guess that’s what warm weather and some friendly neighbors will do to a man. Oh well.

I guess it won’t matter much if the aliens blow us all to smithereens soon anyway.

I wonder if they like fresh baked muffins.

One thought on “Contact: Perhaps we shouldn’t”

  1. Joel


    Jake Johannsen has a whole bit on this. Very funny comedian :)