Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Goodbye Jersey Shore, a sad Situation

I have been watching the Jersey Shore over the last few weeks, and I must say it’s been a roller coaster ride of thrills and excitement. I’ve developed emotional investment in the people on the show, which might represent a depth of character that they themselves can’t manage, but whatever. It’s not like I have to hang out with them in person.

Having said that, by far my favorite character is “The Situation”.

Among other names, at first he considered calling himself "The Dealio"
Among other names, at first he considered calling himself "The Dealio"

I’m not sure why, but I think it’s because he seems to have an approach to women that could be called dogged persistence. He’s not afraid to power through every number he gets, even when the rate of success is pretty low. He may even have picked some of them at random from the phone book on the off chance that a single girl will answer.

He seemed to take a sort of spokesman role for the other members of the house as well, whether they wanted him to or not. The Situation knows that effective leadership can not be burdened with things like consensus or the will of the people. A leadership role must be assumed or usurped — and then made into a mockery of itself.

He also avoided a lot of the legal drama that comes with involving one’s self in a physical altercation. The Situation doesn’t have time for fighting. Though one of the female cast members did knock him in the face, he never threw any blows himself despite serious provocation. He declined to walk her back to the hotel room in Atlantic City because he was busy chatting up a comely lass. Despite the fact that the cast member in question was a grown woman and could presumably walk herself anywhere, she saw his reluctance to leave the club as cause for violence.

In short, he embodies the “Lover not a fighter” ideal… which is why I was so upset to learn that The Situation made out with Snooki on the last regular episode of the show.

I call the "Situation" brewing in this hot tub "Mistake Soup"
I call the "Situation" brewing in this hot tub "Mistake Soup"

Snooki, as you may recall, has been described as a cross between a goblin and another goblin, which is not a very nice way of talking about someone, especially since she was dealt her fair share of blows during the course of the show. She got hit once by a drunken man, and a second time by a large charging girl.

In the words of Dj Pauly D, “Someone needs to teach her how to fight, or duck”.

The world comes at you fast, I think we can all agree. We all need to learn to either fight or duck, but most importantly, we need to learn to never settle. Or at least not to do it when there is a camera crew around. Come on, The Situation… that’s rookie stuff!

And so, on a sad note we say goodbye to our Italian-American friends from the Jersey Shore, but the legal ramifications and tanning-bed-induced skin cancer live on.

That, plus whatever skin rashes and shame one contracts from romantic contact with a goblin.

One thought on “Goodbye Jersey Shore, a sad Situation”

  1. Emily

    I’ve never seen the show, but The Situation is my favorite character already because his name is The Situation.