Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Obama and his Giant Teleprompters

Even though I work as a marketer, I dislike advertising. I could not be happier about being rescued from the clutches of commercial radio by MP3s because it means I don’t have to listen to the ridiculous ads. I get to listen to what I want to hear whenever I want to hear it. For instance, lately I only listen to Nickelback’s latest hit twice an hour instead of twenty times.

What a great liberty it is to finally have some ability as a consumer to control who can blab at me and who can’t!

I also can’t stand regular network TV for the same reasons. Whenever there’s a commercial break and the sponsors jack up the volume to make sure I hear their incisive jingle about panty liners, I start scanning the room for a blunt instrument with which to bludgeon the television, or a window to leap out of.

Still, every now and then when I find myself outside the warm and cozy recesses of Hodgson Compound during the morning hours, I tune in to my local radio station’s morning show. Such was the case this morning as I drove back from my 6am cycling workout. They were discussing the latest minor scandal of the executive office.

Apparently our president, Barack Obama, gave a speech at an elementary school in Virginia and brought in the whole ensemble, including a podium and teleprompters.

The next one of you who raises his hand is going to be shot dead by the man behind me. Got that? Good.
The next one of you who raises his hand is going to be shot dead by the man behind me. Got that? Good.

It seems that there are those who consider his use of the teleprompters excessive, even decrying his oratory abilities on the evidence that he needs such a crutch to give a speech to children. I think those people must have forgotten what it’s like to be a kid.

I try to think back to how I would have reacted when I was but a wee lad to the President visiting my school. This is fairly easy, since I mature emotionally in reverse dog years, or one year for every seven. So, I wonder: would I want Obama to come to my school as he did with all the trappings and trimmings, or would I want him to do it all informal-like and sit in a chair?

As far as I remember, the thing I most wanted when I was a kid was to be is older and bigger, and one of the things I hated most is being treated like a kid. If anything, I would want the President to bring in even more equipment, just like he might for the speeches the he might give to my parents. It couldn’t hurt to toss in some FBI guys in tactical gear with automatic machine guns prowling around as well.

Actually, scratch the FBI guys. Let’s make them Marines or Navy SEALs. Yeah. Hell yeah!

Nothing against you, FBI. You are awesome too, but for sheer coolness of gear the Marines and SEALs have you beat.

I remember Bush caught a lot of crap for the whole Mission Accomplished speech on the aircraft carrier thing, and I agree that it seemed a little hollow. His mistake was pulling that stunt for cynical skeptical adults. What he should have done is staged it in front of a sea of squirming kids, maybe shooting an automatic weapon in either hand as a nearby battleship fired a full broadside. Now that’s a speech I can get behind!

Hell, I don’t know. I’m not a political genius, but I do know that there’s plenty of time for being treated like a kid when you are one, and maybe not enough time for getting to see how the big boys do things before you’re too cynical to be awed by it.

I say well done, Mr President!