Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Bucket of Dudes 2010

Last night I was at a long table about to enjoy the family style dinner that my friends and I usually have together on the Sunday night after the NAMM show. There were fifteen of us, all men except my friend Jen, which is a fitting NAMM ratio of men to women.

That’s when, much to my delight, I observed what appeared to be a series of homosexual couplings across the table… but let me back up.

I refer to the NAMM show as the “Bucket of Dudes” because the ratio of men to women at the show is noticeably male-heavy. It is in no way lacking in long hair, however. In fact I very carefully made a note to myself on the first day that NAMM probably has the lowest ratio of long hair to females in the world, which is a pity.

Despite some trouble with my lack of game, I love talking to girls. Unfortunately, as I confided in my friend Mike this weekend, I consider 2010 a rebuilding year for my game. After being in a steady relationship with someone that I was thinking seriously about a very long future with, it has suffered a lot.

Still, I am a fearless explorer, athlete, and artist, so approaching pretty girls is no trouble for me. The trouble comes when I have nothing to say after “Hello” besides “BUH, YOU PRETTY!”.

Rico… suave!

But back to the homosexual coupling.

We were all crammed into a series of tables arranged lengthwise, one side against a wall. Suddenly, one of our party decided he needed to switch places with another, but there was nearly no space on their side of the table to accomplish this.

I knew that some fairly awkward man-grabbin’ was about to take place, so I did what any good friend would do. I rushed to get out my camera to record it.

The faces and any identifying marks have been blurred out to protect the identities of the couplers as well as anyone appearing in a fresco behind them, but here you can see the coupling about to take place.

The coupler on the left is rising from the table to mount the couplee, who is recoiling in horror.

I've been really trying, baby. To hold back this feelin' for so long.
I've been really trying, baby. To hold back this feelin' for so long.

Here you can see the coupling in full swing. Note that there is an extremely hilarious look of abject terror on the face of the couplee at this point, which is obscured by the blurring in order to protect everyone’s identity.

If you feel, like I feel sugar.. let's get it on!
If you feel, like I feel sugar.. let's get it on!

Things reached such a fever pitch that a second couplee got inadvertently mounted and loved up. It was quite a sight. I nearly spilled my house chianti in my haste to document proceedings and scream encouragement.

Come on darlin, stop beatin 'round the bush.. let's get it on!
Come on darlin, stop beatin 'round the bush.. let's get it on!

After a while things calmed down, but there was still a lot of hugging as we said our goodbyes. It would be nice if more girls were involved in the NAMM show, but you couldn’t really ask for a nicer bucket of dudes.