Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

NAMM-ing speed!

Due to some circumstances I entered into totally of my own volition, later today I must surrender myself to the authorities. Every nook and cranny of my person will be inspected, and I will be separated from all my belongings as I enter their care. The burden will be upon me to prove that I don’t harbor any weapons or ill intent, and, once inside, even the slightest tilt of my head could cause alarm and further detainment.

That’s right, I’m flying on a commercial airplane.

Who would have ever thought that anyone could make flying through the air in a metal dart at 500 miles per hour so dehumanizing and un-fun? I’m reminded of a rant by one of my favorite comedians, Louis C.K.. He has a point.

Despite all the “dehumanizing”/”oppressive regime” type stuff, once we take off I’ll be sitting in a chair in the sky, and there might even be internet access. I guess I should be more relaxed about it.

This is especially the case since when I land I will be among friends in the warm California sun, and enjoying the NAMM show. For anyone who doesn’t know, the NAMM show is a convention for music industry retailers.

If you were to take a half dozen football fields, arrange them as a group, throw a roof over them, then carpet every available surface to a depth of six to ten feet with pianos, drums, guitars, horns, sheet music, and electronic music-making gadgets, you’d have an approximate facsimile for the NAMM show. The scale of the thing is nigh unfathomable.

In fact, a few unlucky sales reps have become disoriented by the sheer scale of the NAMM show in years past. Lost for days, in some cases they were forced to boil leather guitar straps and consume them to survive. This is less of a problem in today’s economy as sales reps are all independent contractors, and as such, no one goes to look for them anymore.

As a kid, I pestered every music store in town. I would ride my bike there and play all their guitars, lacking any money to buy one. The NAMM show is like the biggest grandpappiest music store ever created, and I never entirely grew up, so there’s a lot for me to see and enjoy.

I will be there to preach the wonders of blogging and using WordPress software. Hopefully my presentation won’t cause too many people to leave, kicking piles saxophones aside in disgust, but time will tell.

See you in Anaheim, friends!