Louis CK is a hilarious Talking Man, but he’s more than that; better than that. He’s a Talking Man who isn’t lying. He makes no bones about the fact that he wants to get paid for making up bullshit. That’s refreshing to me. God knows how many bullshitters we’re paying every day who claim to provide some other tangible service. Those men and women are frauds. Louis CK is not.

No, Louis CK is not a fraud, and he has a new thing. You should buy it.

Better than that, Louis CK is trying a new means of communication against the best advice of people in his life. He’s trying to sell content directly to us, the consumers. This is great news.

It’s great news for anyone who:

• Thinks ads are annoying, pushy, and cacophonous, on top of occasionally being disingenuous when they’re not outright lies.
• Thinks censorship is wrong.
• Thinks artists should have complete creative control over their work.
• Is tired of Hollywood’s bullshit, TV’s bullshit, etc.

By cutting out the content distributors and middlemen, Louis CK is delivering hilarious entertainment directly to us. This is how it should be done. This is the way forward.

Buy his new thing.

I’ve always been a fan of informational signs that include people getting harmed. You know, like the one at your apartment complex that shows the dude getting squished by the gate? Or the one on the arm of the thing that stops you from driving your car out of the parking deck at work showing a dude being beaned in the head by the very same arm? My favorite is the one where the giant angry shock cloud is totally zapping the shit out of some hapless dude.

I was reminded of those when I spotted The included image in the Thornton Road Chick Fil A yesterday.

Here’s what those numbered points say:

1. If the victim is choking, call 911. Let the victim know you are going to help them.

Hey, I’m going to help you, but first I’m going to make a quick phone call. Don’t worry, you’ll pass out long before the ambulance can get here.

2. Give 5 back blows.

Seems to me like this is something that should happen at the end as a means of thanking the person who just saved your life, but I am not a doctor or anything.

3. Make a fist with your hand and place your (blurry words here about fisting)

I’m realizing here that no mention has been made of Dr. Henry Heimlich. What ever happened to him and his maneuver?

4. Grip your fist with your other hand and press into the victim [sic] abdomen with 5 quick inward and upward thrusts

If you should happen to graze victim jiggling breasts in the process, do not make a big deal out of it. Just file it away for later.

5. Repeat until object is dislodged

Or until you reach completion, whoever comes last.

I saw one of my teachers choking once in high school. A classmate of mine performed the Heimlich, a piece of potato came rocketing out, and pretty much everyone was embarrassed.

Not sure if there were any back blows, but I don’t really want to know anyway.