As both my regular readers are aware, I am currently planning a small hike for next year. I’m not an expert survivalist, though. No, to be an expert survivalist one has to go through the survivalist ritual, also known as “pee drinking.”
If you don’t believe me, check out this video of expert survivalist Bear Grylls. That’s what I call surviving, folks. You might think you can toss back pint-sized Jager bombs with the best of them, but you just haven’t lived if you haven’t knocked back a canteen of your own hot gold.
Just take a look at this face of expert survivalist triumph!
The only problem is that some people think that survivalism is so awesome that they want to bring it to the masses. This was surely on a Portland-area gentleman’s mind when he micturated into the town’s water supply, causing the city to have to dispose of the water.
The linked article, written by Brad Schmidt, includes a quote from David Schaff of the Water Bureau:
Shaff said the Water Bureau regularly finds dead animals in the same drinking supply but doesn’t dump the water. “This is different,” he said.
“Do you want to drink pee?” he asked bluntly.
Well, no, not exactly, but I do want to be a survivalist expert like Bear Grylls. Think of it like drinking Jager shots. I don’t want to drink them, they taste horrible. I do, however, want to get drunk and act like an idiot. You have to go through the means to get to the ends, Mr Schaff. Everyone knows that.
Some of you might be so crass as to point out that Bear Grylls really isn’t that much of a survivalist in that he stays in hotel rooms and has a camera crew to hang out with, or that a guy like Les Stroud is a little more badass considering that he did all the surviving, not to mention camera work, by himself on his show Survivorman.
That’s all fine and well. I enjoy Mr Stroud’s show. I just haven’t seen him drink his own pee. I mean come on, Stroud, are you serious or what?
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