Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

War on Drugs: Issues and Girlfriends

PHOTO: e-magine art
Well, here we go again. Those book-nuzzling cat fanciers over at NPR are reporting that the Global War on Drugs has failed. Can you believe it? Those guys are no fun at all.

I guess they feel they have a responsibility to report the news in a sonorous, sensitive voice, but they’re way off base on this one. Anyone with a pair of eyes can see that the War on Drugs has gotten a bajillion politicians reelected, filled up a hogzillion news features, and been fodder for such incisive pop culture as Miami Vice and the Reagan presidency.

The amount of revenue generated is on a cosmic scale. If that’s failure, I’m a nightmare morphing sheep of doom.

Have you ever known someone with a terrible girlfriend, but you couldn’t just come out and tell them because they’re in love or whatever, and you didn’t want to get into a whole big thing? Well, it happens to governments too.

Now, your girlfriend may have issues, but that’s not the same thing. Consider the following scene:

You stare wistfully out of a bus window as it drives through the countryside, away from everything you’ve known. A grey rain streams down the windows as memories stream through your mind. You heave a heavy sigh.

“Hey what’s with all the moping?” your friend one seat over asks.

“Oh, you know, Cheryl and I broke up.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah I guess we just had some diff-”

“Oh my god, that is so awesome! She was such a bitch! We all hate her guts. Haha! You know she slept with Greg, right?”

…and scene.

That’s what’s happening here, on a government scale. Here’s a quote from the NPR-ticle:

“The global war on drugs has failed, with devastating consequences for individuals and societies around the world,” a high-powered commission whose members include former U.S. Secretary of State George Shultz and former U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan warns today.

Well, thanks fellas but you’re former officials. You can talk all the shit you want without fear of reprisal come election time.

What would be great is someone who will tell us exactly what we need to hear whether we want to hear it or not. That always works out pretty well, right?

3 thoughts on “War on Drugs: Issues and Girlfriends”

  1. Adam

    I almost didn’t click on any of the links, but then I thought, “I bet the link for ‘Regan presidency’ is quite possibly the most absurd and amazing picture I can imagine.” Game. Set. Match.

  2. jeffbadge

    Word of the Day: “hogzillion”

  3. Nancy Rabern

    Can I just say “like”?