I’ve been on a lot of diets in my life, but my favorite one of all by far is the information diet. It has earned me a shower of accolades from my closest friends, who use words like “smug” and “self-important” and “douche.”

They’re probably right on all counts, but I’m never coming off the information diet. I’m a big believer in Stephen R. Covey‘s idea of the Circle of Influence/Circle of Concern, which is basically a smug way of saying that being concerned about things that one can’t influence makes one frustrated.

Here’s the circle of concern, which represents all the things in your life that you’re concerned about, good or bad. Politics, kitty cats, the economy, Bieber, wars, naked boobies, filing your 2010 taxes, your old Cheryl’s new boyfriend (megadouche), your family… everything you care about goes in here.

As you can see, this is all represented by George Bush’s “concerned face” in high-contrast black and white for extra drama:

Inside the Circle of Concern is your Circle of Influence, which represents the things that you have the power to change. Influence is represented here by female bodybuilder Yolanda Hughes:

Covey’s point is that the difference in size between your circle of concern and your circle of influence is where frustration and feelings of helplessness are born. If you want to minimize those feelings, you can either grow your Yolanda, or shrink your Bush, or, ideally, do both.

Shrink your Bush

It’s much easier to grow or shrink your Bush than your Yolanda, although everyone is hopefully growing their Yolanda at all times through self improvement, or what have you. I choose to shrink my Bush as much as possible by only hearing about things that happen in my immediate vicinity, which makes them likely to fall within the range of my Yolanda.

I hope that makes sense.

Of course, there are side effects of shrinking my Bush, as I mentioned above. According to some people, I have a third circle that encompasses this whole attitude:

Oh Bread, you are so delicious. I love you as biscuits, as bagels, and even as cake. I love you in all the ways that it is possible to love a thing, but I need a break. I think you can understand the subtext here: Get out.

Haha, OK that was mean. Just kidding, we can still see each other casually, like on weekends and stuff, but I can’t be mowing down a buttery-ass bagel every morning anymore. I’m sure you understand. We had a lot of awesome fat guy times!

Remember how my roommates and I used to eat loaf after loaf of you at the Italian place on Sundays? I’ll never forget how full you made me feel, but I also can’t forget how my fat body ended up making my clothes feel full as well.

Say hello to Cigarettes and Cheeseburgers and the whole fat gang down at the restaurants and the bakeries and what-not. I’ll stop in on a limited basis to check on you guys. Well, except for Cigarettes, of course. They’re gross.

You know as well as I do that there are plenty of people still totally on board with your whole program, so it’s not like you’ll even miss one less fat man gobbling you down with smacking noises. Hope we’re still cool.

One of my two readers, Brian, has asked me about basic bike care. There are a two easy steps I follow. First, I pump up the tires before every ride, and second, I take it to my local bike shop for pretty much everything else. Told you it was easy!

Now, you might be saying to yourself, “But Jim, isn’t using tools and putting parts on stuff manly, and aren’t you the manliest stack of rocket muscles who ever shaved his legs with a pink razor?” The answer is, of course, yes on all counts, but its also annoying to work on bikes unless you have all the proper tools and there are one hell of a lot of bicycle tools.

That said, I do try to keep my road bike chain clean, but that’s mostly because I don’t want an ugly grease spot on my sleek shaven right calf.

Pump up The Tires

Air molecules are sneaky. They slip out of your bicycle tubes just like you might slip out of a lame party. It’s important to pump those suckers up before every ride in order to avoid getting what’s called a “snakebite” flat.

I’m not a herpetologist but I know that snakes only attack semi-flat tires for some reason.

This sneaky leaking of air pressure is the issue that car people are trying to address by filling tires with the exotic gas Nitrogen. Nitrogen’s molecules are slightly fatter than oxygen molecules, so they don’t leave the party as easily. They are too fat to fit down the stairs.

Unfortunately there is no way to get Nitrogen into a bicycle tire merely because there isn’t an easy way to get your hands on any. It’s not like you can just pull the stuff out of the air, after all.

Go to your local bike shop

Robert M. Pirsig wrote the book “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance,” which is one of my favorite books. It’s all about the calming effect of working with one’s hands and doing things right the first time. This is a good argument in favor of doing all your mechanical work yourself.

On the other hand,

The only Zen you find on tops of mountains is the zen you bring up there.
-Robert M. Pirsig

So, working on bikes is a zen activity if you consider it to be one. By that rationale, taking your bike to the local bike shop and having them get their fingernails all gross is every bit as zen as doing it yourself if you have the right attitude.

Personally I’d rather spend my time arranging my coin collection or texting monkey noises to Cheryl than working on my bikes.

Conclusion

As both of you know, I’m currently trying to shed as many of my possessions as possible, and what are facts and details but the possessions of the mind? I think we can live happily with relatively few of either.

I’m going to try to find out!

I’ve got this idea in my head of possessions, clothes in particular. In my mind I am thinking of them in the future as being singular. If my head gets cold, I put on Hat. If my arms get cold, I put on Shirt. If I am frightening people and the law has been called, I put on Pants.

Of couse, there are some practical situations in which this is not ideal. For instance, this afternoon I have to be somewhere which requires me to wear Suit with Nice Blue Shirt and Tie and also Nice Shoes. I would feel pretty silly without Suit right now. On the other hand, I’m a little guilty of wristwatch nerdism. I own five. I think that might be too many.

So I’m a guy who is interested in owning as few things as possible, and I’m devoting some effort to determining where that line is for me. If you have some ideas along these lines, please leave a comment or email me. Like Johnny 5, I need input.

Books: better than Cheryls

This line must be drawn across all manner of possessions, though, including books. I love to read, but I have quite a few books that I’ve read as many times as I am going to. I don’t scurry back to my bookshelf to refer to some passage inside the text; I have the Internet for that. No, I just read them once or twice and move on.

That is, except the few books that I bought in hardback because I love them so much. I’d even like to own a signed first edition of one or two.

With all this in mind, Chris asked me the other day what I thought about books and e-readers like the Nook and Kindle. I didn’t have a good answer then, but here are my ideas so far.

Great Things about E-Readers

First of all, I think it’s great that its so easy to buy books nowadays. I think that can only help promote reading, and that’s one place where e-readers are really helping things. Being able to download a new title wirelessly is incredible, especially since your entire library takes up only the space of your device. So, that’s two points in favor of the e-readers: instant gratification and portability.

That said, I have tried the Nook and read a few things on my iPhone, and it’s just not the same for me.

Great things about Books

I have to say, I still like regular old books. I like the type, I like the smell, and I like dog-earing pages. Especially with hardbound books, I feel that owning them is kind of like a little shrine to whatever life change or new mode of thought that book evoked for me.

Above and beyond that, though, I like the ritual of books. Reading and then turning out the light and going to sleep is nice. Taking a book to a coffee shop is nice. I’m not sure these little rituals would be the same with a glowing screen. After all, if you are as self absorbed as I am and you think people care what you are reading in public, you’ll know there’s no way they can tell from looking at your e-reader.

I have a distinct memory of being a child and throwing a copy of The Giving Tree. My mom scolded me.

“Books are our friends,” she said, and I still feel that she was right.

A&E has a new show called Heavy that I’ve caught a few episodes of. It’s kind of a close-to-home show for me, as a fat guy, mostly because I don’t like seeing my own poor habits reflected back at me, but it’s also powerful for that same reason.

The format is a profile of two people per hour-long episode as they work for six months to change their habits and drop the weight. They have personal trainers and dietitians to help them along the way, and they get to attend what looks to be a high-dollar weight loss spa/resort for the first month.

“Heavy” in more ways than one

One thing I like about the show is that they don’t make it into a shiny experience. They’re pretty candid about the fact that these people, some of whom weigh well over half a ton, are in danger of death. Diabetes, strokes, and heart failure are all very real possibilities for them.

As I say, it’s tough to watch for me, but also a good reminder of how easy it is to become lax mentally, which is an important part that I think the show does not explore that well.

Tri Colors

The chick in the first episode gets a little testy at her personal trainer, Britny. I can understand wanting to be testy with Britny for a few reasons, not least of which being the spelling of her name, but let’s assume that her name was her parent’s doing and not under her control.

In episode 3 of Heavy, the full horror of Britny’s true colors are revealed:

The show fails to address Britny’s unfortunate triathletism. You might be saying to yourself, “But Jim, couldn’t she merely be a time trialist? How do you know she’s a triathlete?” and my answer to that is simple: She’s brought a TT/tri bike to a group ride. QED.

Fat Mentality

That aside, the chick that Britny is training in episode one has this to say about working with her:

No matter how awesome a personal trainer is, no fat person wants to work with a personal trainer that’s never been fat. [sic]

This is an interesting point, and one that I can identify with. It is easy, as a fat person, to want to dismiss a personal trainer on the basis that they don’t know what it’s like to have the mental fortitude of a half-melted marshmallow, but on the other hand, there really aren’t that many personal trainers who used to be enormous. Fat people tend to stay fat and then die.

I trust my financial guy Jordan completely, for instance, and to my knowledge he has never been a penniless hobo.

Thought Squats

Lastly, I want to point out that, in my opinion, the most important thing you are training when you start a life change of any kind is your mind. Being more fit is awesome and losing weight is an undeniable benefit, but learning how to think — about yourself, about food, about fitness, about life in general — is the most important thing of all.

You just don’t know how far you can go until you start going. You think you know, but you don’t!