If you’re looking for ways to improve your life, try road/track cycling. It’s easily the most fun I’ve ever had while in considerable pain, not to mention crying like a lost preschooler.
There are a few tips and tricks along the way that have eased my suffering, however. Not least of those is a magical lubricating cream, but let me not get ahead of myself.
The Bits Where You Sits
One of the maddening parts of road cycling for me is that it has led in the past to some chafing in… areas. I am speaking, of course, about the Jersey Shore of the underpants. Yes, friends, I refer to the taint; that tender transition area between the spent fuel exhaust port and the butter batteries. Discomfort in this area is not at all welcome, especially if you’re just setting out on a long ride and you’re already feeling the burn.
Thankfully, science has come up with some creams that one can apply to one’s betwixt patch. Known as chamois cream, chamois butter, or just cham jam, it helps by lubricating as well as protecting against saddle sores which are the raging undead zombie super-villains of the skin world.
Not everyone uses chamois cream, but I have found it immensely helpful. I wish I’d known about it when I started riding.
Chamois Butt’r: Old Hat
Until now I’ve been using Chamois Butt’r, made by Paceline Products. It is easy to use. I just splort out a glob of it before a ride, reach my hand down my bibs, grease up my biznass, and head off. I have been hearing from a few friends, though, that a product called dznuts is a superior cham jam and I should try it instead.
I was hesitant because the price point on dznuts is a little higher, but my sister’s husband bought me a tube for Christmas. Let me just say that I am glad he did.
The dznuts Revolution… in my pants
I squirted a bit of dznuts on my hand and went down to grease up the ol’ southside just as I would have with Chamois Butt’r, but with the dznuts cream it was a whole different experience. It was tingly and cool, like having a choir of angels singing up to my taint.
“Ahhhhh!” they sang, their voices joining in a many-layered harmony as the feathery tips of their wings lightly caressed me.
Not only does it feel all tingly-awesome, but something about it seems to lubricate better and last a little longer. That might be because it seems to have more ingredients than Chamois Buttr.
I’ve also heard that Assos chamois cream is good, but now that I have dznuts I’m hopefully set for this season. I doubt my Chamois Butt’r will see much use until I used up all the dznuts.
I’m marking this one as Highly Recommend for anyone who values their taint region at all, and ladies, they even have a product especially for you!