Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Stinking Up the Joint

In life there are sometimes unfortunate side effects. If you drink too much, you could get a hangover. If you engage in physical activity, you could get sweaty and smelly. If you drink too much and engage in physical activity at the same time, you could become a parent.

Surely it is, though, a mistake to dwell on these uncomfortable side effects. Isn’t happiness really more about looking on the bright side of life, as Terry Gilliam advised us?

Unfortunately, in the real world, you may experience some pushback regarding your bright-side philosophy from the world’s many sayers of nay, which is exactly what happened when some cyclists stopped off in an English pub for a pint after a short ride. It seems that they presented a somewhat fragrant odor that the other patrons found to be disturbing, and after some complaints were asked to get back on their bikes and leave.

Now, it must be said that the practicality of wearing clothes designed for working out that they somehow generate stink much faster than regular clothes. While it is more comfortable for the wearer to be in sweat wicking attire, there is definitely something about these clothes that works up a funk of which Bootsy Collins himself would certainly be proud.

Anyone who has ever worked out in a cotton tee shirt, however, can tell you that you end up feeling like you’re wearing a poncho made from thick-sliced deli ham. Or at least you might if you sweat as much as I do. If I am working out at all, I’m doing an exact reverse impersonation of a sponge; a fairly startling impediment to my vanity, believe you me. That’s not even to mention the horror of vigorous physical exertion while wearing cotton boxers under a pair of jeans. Whatever body issues might cause one to eschew a road cycling kit surely pale in comparison to the consequences of jeans and cotton boxers on your gender-specific body luggage.

Not to defend the pub for kicking its patrons out, but I think that exercisers are in the same sort of predicament as smokers in that they don’t really realize how stinky they are. As a smoker, you might commiserate with your fellow inhalers and assure one another that you really don’t smell that bad, but trust me when I tell you, you definitely do. This leads me to wonder if the pub in question allows smoking.

It seems only fair to me to kick smokers to the curb if we’re not allowing people to stink up our pubs. Thoughts?

3 thoughts on “Stinking Up the Joint”

  1. Adam Moreland

    Unlike smoking, inhaling BO causes cancer.

  2. Bob Donlan

    I for one know I am a smelly beast after riding a bike for a mere 3 minutes. I however have never found myself kicked out of a location because of it. However I do usually sit quietly in the corner or outside as to not draw attention to my odor of awesome.

  3. Nancy Rabern

    I look at the tennis court from the car in December in 32 degree weather and start to gush. At least you are a guy and it’s sorta “manly”. There’s nothing feminine about armpit stains.