Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Hookers and Cyclists: High Visibility

Image: Paul Haeder
I’ve heard it said many times that pimpin ain’t easy, but let us not forget that hooking is no walk in the park, even when it is a literal walk in a literal park. That is when it is no piece of cake. But apart from the abstract difficulty of being a sex associate (hooker) or sex management consultant (pimp), there are some physical occupational hazards these people share with cyclists which are now being addressed by Spanish authorities.

I am speaking, of course, of the dangers of putting one’s person into or near the roadway, which is something cyclists and hookers alike must do in order to conduct their respective business. Hookers tend to be safer on the sidewalk and endangered in the road, and cyclists are safer in the roadway and endangering themselves and others on the sidewalk.

This is not to say that any cyclist on the sidewalk is automatically a hooker, because there are some cases in which sidewalk riding is okay by me. If someone is so young or so old that they’re likely to fall over at any time, then traffic might not be the place for them, but the sidewalk is also dangerous what with all those hookers roaming about.

Thankfully, science has produced some measures that we can take in order to help drivers see us on the roadway, but let me not be misunderstood. By “us” I mean hookers. Hey, I’m not proud of it, but I need a new bike for next season and money does not grow on trees.

Here’s what’s going on in terms of high visibility hooking over in Spain:

Photo: REX

You’ll note the similarities to a bike commuter’s high visibility garb:

Image: Thirteen of Clubs

But the similarities do not end there! Let us not forget that cyclists and hookers each employ red lights to make others aware of their locations, and in the case of the hookers, moral ambivalence. When Sting sang to Roxanne that she didn’t have to “put on the red light”, however, I don’t think it was because she was about to ride over to the coffee shop and there was still daylight out.

One wonders where the similarities between hookers and cyclists end, actually, now that I think of it, but if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to work.

That is, of course, unless you need a date.