Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

The Icelandic Volcano

Although I normally don’t go out of my way to check on anything that doesn’t affect me directly, my habit of following professional cyclist twitter feeds has brought the Icelandic ash cloud to my attention. It has caused planes to be grounded, losing millions for the airlines and annoying many a cyclist attempting to travel to races around the EU.

One of the more interesting parts of this story to me is that the volcano was of a particular kind that does not spew hot molten lava along with the usual ash and noxious fumes, but consonants. The volcano itself, formerly known as “Ol’ Spewey”, has spewed consonants all over the region, obfuscating proper names to the point where reporters won’t even chance mentioning them by name for fear of being wrong.

As I was researching this story, some reports stated that the volcano is known as “Eyjafjallajokul”. Others seemed to indicate that this was actually the name of the glacier near the volcano, but most just left the proper names out entirely. After Googling around for a longer-than-usual ten minutes, I gave up.

Even when a volcano is erupting consonants, people just kinda stand around and look at it.

Some “news” sources are now reporting that the ash cloud may make its way to North America, but that is misleading because the maps I have looked at indicate that they actually mean Canada. This little deception is a thinly-veiled attempt to get Americans to pay attention, if you ask me, and I refuse to be taken in.

I’m already pissed that I looked at a map and actually knew what the shapes meant.

Based on the admittedly limited time I have spent in the EU, I’m surprised they are affected by smoke and ash at all, given that most of them seem to smoke, but I’ve just tried to find some hard numbers on the matter and again given up the search.

Let’s just hope that ash cloud doesn’t make its way to Atlanta. Not that I need to fly anywhere, I just don’t want to have to type out Atltknykvyjk every time I order something online.