Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Chatroulette, worse than the Russian kind

One of the biggest ways that I keep an eye on the Nerd Mines is through sites like Reddit and Digg. If you’re not familiar with their dynamic, Digg is prettier and more popular and Reddit is nerdier, not to mention openly resentful of Digg’s success and good looks.

You can see the difference represented here by Velma and Daphne from the inimitable Scooby Doo cartoons.

What do you mean, low cut shirts? I have a master's degree damnit!

Having said that, I still love them both and there’s no greater way to find nerd opinions on nearly everything there is to have an opinion on.

How else would I have ever heard of Chatroulette, which is a service that pairs horny male nerds with other horny male nerds, each hoping the other will be a girl so they can masturbate. No, I am not making this up.

The game goes like this: You turn on your web cam and connect to Chatroulette, then immediately disconnect over and over again until you “Score” someone on the other end who looks vaguely female. Then you commence attempting to get her to in some way approve of or facilitate your masturbation via satellite.

This is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard of.

Nerds: Go outside. There will be girls there. Talk to them for a while, and if they don’t run away, try to kiss them. If they do run away, exercise more, take more showers, get some new clothes and possibly a haircut. Repeat process until success.

You’ll know success when you get there. In a few short year’s time you’ll look into the dark recesses of your closet and see your black leather duster hanging there, unworn, and you’ll be glad you stopped wearing it.

You may even reach into the pocket and find the Leatherman multi-tool you used to carry every day for no reason whatsoever. I remember mine fondly, clipped to my belt along side the leather zippo case and text pager.

Little did I know at the time that I looked like an extremely retarded Batman parody.

But I recovered from it, and you can too. Come on, guys!

2 thoughts on “Chatroulette, worse than the Russian kind”

  1. Seth Kingry

    You should have mentioned how nerds should go after Velma’s instead of Daphne’s, greater chance of success. That and being pretty is cool and all… but sometimes I just want to talk about Star Wars for like, hours.

  2. jim

    Heh, that may be the reality of the situation, but it’s better to be bold and fail than to settle right off the bat, I say.