I spent part of my weekend stalking through the nerd mines, keeping a watchful eye out for anything inappropriate. There was the usual blogger drama of some crazy small business owner pretending to be two people, but most of the nerd mine caverns were quiet.
Well, as quiet as you can be when everyone is screaming “Obama!” over and over again at one another.
Since I long ago shook off my shackles of nerdiness and wandered, blinking, into the sunlight, I was pleased to enjoy two days of really nice weather this weekend. I’m happy to say that I got some time to ride bikes with my crew. I made sure to stay away from the park, however, as that’s the last place you want to be when the sun returns to the skies.
Piedmont Park on the first nice day of the year is to enjoying a sunny day what bars on New year’s Eve are to sport drinking. It’s amateur hour times twelve.
Also great for kids.
It is a requirement in Atlanta for all straight single girls to own a dog. I’m not sure when that law got passed, but spend any time at all talking to single Atlanta ladies and you will reach the same conclusion.
Further, girls are also required by law to never train their dog or admonish it in any way so that it can be as unruly as possible when the first sunny day of the year rolls around. They must also ensure that they have as long of a leash as possible so that their animal can annoy people and interact with other dogs in a twenty foot radius at minimum.
This leash typically takes the form of a plastic handle attached to a spool of black nylon cord which makes a perfect invisible barrier sure to rip a cyclist off his bike by the neck. Or at least, the cyclists foolish enough to think that a dog and a person 20 feet apart are not bound together by a cord.
If only they made these for kids. Haha, just kidding! No one would ever be so… oh.
Well, at least I am not in any current danger of having kids. Just to make sure, I put on a condom every morning whether I intend to have relations or not. You just can’t be too careful these days, and besides, I have the ones that protect endangered species.
I’m not sure how the condoms help endangered species, but as anyone knows, questioning anything that has to do in any way whatsoever with endangered species or the environment is worse than sin, and is punishable by severe beatdown.
And that, my friends, is science.
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