Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

The nerd mines are abuzz!

As a recovering nerd, I feel its my duty to be a liason between the filthy, revolting world of nerddom and the normal one. Toward this end, I peruse sites like Reddit and others in order to keep my finger on the simultaneously fat, skinny, self-conscious and anonymous pulse of nerdy doings, much as an older brother might occasionally venture into his younger brother’s room though he is quite aware of how horrible it is in there.

He knows this, of course, because he was once every bit as horrible himself.

Note: artist's conception. Actual nerd mines far more disgusting.

Now if you imagine that there is not one but a myriad sea of little brothers in the room, and that they have been left unsupervised with limitless news and porn, as well as shelves of movies and commercial music to shoplift with impunity, you will have constructed a fairly accurate metaphor for the internet, except that it should be someplace much more filthy, dark, and creepy than a room in a family home. I’m thinking of something more like an abandoned mine shaft.

However, it must be said, occasionally the brand of humor down in the nerd mines is pretty funny, so my motives for descending into them aren’t entirely selfless. I like a chuckle now and then.

This morning I put on my hardhat and headed under ground, where I was confronted by uproar and commotion among my nerdy little brothers. It seems that two gentlemen on a bus got into an altercation, and the nerds are stirring up a mighty cloud of cheeto dust in their fervor over the video of it.

The problem is that they can’t just be content to poke fun at the people in the video themselves to one another. They have to take it to an extremely creepy and inappropriate level by searching out the people in it and harassing them in person. This includes the poor girl merely sitting on the bus listening to her headphones, probably on her way home from school.

I don’t know this for sure, but I can only assume based on the messages flying around that one of them has gotten his grubby hands on her facebook account already and is creeping her out as we speak. It makes me ill.

What’s worse is there are precious few among them with the stones to actually walk up to a cute girl and flirt like a normal person, so instead they will befriend her and then post endless whining and crying a year later when she asserts, correctly, that they’re just friends.

Nerds, I love you, but get it together!

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