Writer. Warning: opinions. My lawyer advised a disclaimer, but didn't include any jokes to go with. Damned if I can think of any either.

Bubble of Comfort burst: Snuggie despair!

As you know if you read my post about Christmas day, I was the happy recipient of a Snuggie on Christmas morning. I couldn’t wait to lounge around in it.

When I first heard about the Snuggie, I was appalled that anyone would be lazy enough to need sleeves in their lounging blanket. The only reasons I can imagine that one might need their arms free when lounging are to shovel food into one’s mouth or operate a remote control. In terms of the seven deadly sins, that’s Sloth and Gluttony at least. I think adding the Snuggie constitutes Extravagance and possibly Acedia as well, so it’s nearly the full set of deadly sins.

When I actually received one as a gift, however, I knew I was in love with it. I immediately put it on and posed for a photo, seven deadly sins be damned.

Similarly, when I first heard about the MTV reality show the Jersey Shore, I was appalled. But then I watched the show and loved every second of it. Let it not be said that I am too smug to enjoy myself… even if it happens to sometimes be true.

So it was that last night I settled down with a frosty beverage, my trusty Meerschaum pipe and my Snuggie to watch a movie. I was ready to be extremely comfortable and very entertained, but my bubble of comfort burst when I realized the awful truth: I am too tall for the Snuggie! At six feet one inches tall, I am beyond the comfortable range for which it was apparently designed. My feet poke out the end, exposed to the chill air. Blast!

too tall for my snuggie

I decided I would just make do and enjoy the movie anyway, but that also was not to be.

Despite a famous cast and director, I found the film weird and disappointing like a date with a depressed clown. After it was over, I sauntered over to the internet and checked out what the critics had to say about it. They nearly universally loved it. I guess that just goes to show that I don’t know nearly as much about movies as I do about courting depressed clowns.

Did you know that a female clown is called a “clowness”?

My tastes in movies are easy to list. I like it when there are naked ladies, explosions, car chases, and bad guys getting killed in every imaginable way. This movie had some bad people getting shot in it, which is good, but I don’t remember a single naked lady or big fiery explosion. There was also some artistic introspection and some commentary on the state of the human experience, which tends to slow things down very much.

Attention directors: Bring on the hot chicks and the big explosions!

One thought on “Bubble of Comfort burst: Snuggie despair!”

  1. San Smith

    Depressed clownesses and snuggies that don’t fit? Tough night… Needs more explosions!