I have only been given a few things at bike races, because prizes, for the most part, are reserved for people who win — not just people who participate.
This is in stark contrast to triathlon and running events of half-marathon and above where everyone who finishes gets a finisher’s medal. I’m not complaining. In fact, I routinely wear my finisher’s medals around for days after completing said events to let everyone know how truly smug I can be.
Occasionally, however, someone goes ahead and gives me something. In the case of my Terrapin Beer jersey, it was given to me at the Georgia Cyclocross championship race because I took my team jersey off so that one of my teammates could be photographed on the podium in it.
Many men of my size and body weight would hesitate to take their shirts off in a room full of mixed company but I had no such reservations for two reasons. One, I am an Ironman triathlete and I am used to wearing either nothing or colossally stupid clothes in front of everyone. Secondly, I have reached an age where I no longer really have any shame (but really should).
There has been speculation that hitting the Loose Nuts racing team’s bottle of whiskey post-race had something to do with it, but I reject this out of hand.
So, it was with no hope whatsoever of winning anything that I entered the Friday the 13th Black Cat Alleycat race which was sponsored by my racing team Faster Mustache. My plan was to follow my friend Bob, because he knows the streets of Atlanta really well. This is my perpetual alleycat race strategy, since it once led me to get second place in a race without trying very hard (or at all).
This was also Ray’s strategy. Ray was an awesome guy, based on what I learned about him in the ten minutes before the race, but his bike was less than awesome. It is certainly older than he is, and in considerably worse shape. As such, the first hill we hit saw Ray struggling to keep up with us on the climb, which in my case is like struggling to keep up with a toddler racing up a set of stairs.
He waved us to go ahead without him, but we both decided we’d rather ride with a bro than be fast, so as a group we just hung out and completed all the checkpoints. We were offered and accepted a beer at one point, and I tried out my humor on some ladies at another. It went over like a roadie at an alleycat, which is to say, not well.
In retrospect, this may be because I was a roadie at an alleycat.
Good times were had, and eventually we made it to the bar that marked the end of the race. I helped myself to a few beers, the object of a lot of strange looks in my brightly colored road racing getup and cycling shoes. The latter caused me a lot of trouble generating traction on the tile floor, so I was slipping around and generally giving the impression of a fat newborn foal.
On the way outside, starry-eyed with love for a freshly-purchased pint of beer, I discovered that our team had gotten dead last. So it seemed that my most shameful moment was not, in fact, when I fell on that couple inside.
But, lo! This dark moment was illuminated with the candlepower of a thousand Knog lights when I learned that we all got prizes for DFL! Mine was a set of Ergon GP1 flatbar grips, which I have been wanting for my mountain bike. Huzzah!
I rushed home, by way of another bar that night and a very hungover road ride the next day, and installed them at once. You can see them above, if only just.
I’ve now been on two rides with them (including the Mountaintown Creek Trail ride), and they are highly comfortable. They allow me to rest on my palms and avoid the white-knuckle deathgrip that I usually have on a mountain ride lasting over two hours.
They were super easy to install, and unlike Ourys or other typical slide-on grips they have a collar that clamps on. The chances that they’ll get water under them and slip off after you crash in a stream and flop around like a retarded fish are slim.
According to Ergon’s web site, there is also a lighter weight model of the grips I have, which is for you people out there for whom a few grams on your bike is a big deal. As one might imagine, weight of the bike is much less a problem than weight of the rider in my case so the regular ones are fine.
I highly recommend to any flatbar riders that you get yourself a pair of these Ergon grips. I thought they were just kind of a gimmick until I installed mine, even though they sponsor my cycling team. Also I am a huge fan of Team Ergon’s Namrita and Eddie Oday, friends of Faster Mustache and mountain biking badasses.
Neither of them has ever gotten DFL in anything, I’m pretty sure.
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