One year in high gear

I have often wondered what I could accomplish if I turned all the knobs up and rocked like an earthquake. I’m talking eating right, exercising my ass off, not drinking and generally just running the tightest of tight game. This year, 2009, is the year. It’s time to find out just what I can do. I am signed up for an Ironman distance triathlon on August 30, 2009, a half Ironman distance race on May 17th, and a marathon on March 29.

I’ll go back and talk about some history.

Around 2001 I weighed 320lbs, smoked a pack of Marlboro reds every day, and was completely miserable. I’ve quit smoking, lost 110lbs, and gotten into triathlons and endurance sports. In 2008 my big goal was to complete an Olympic distance triathlon, which I did on Sept 14th, 2008. It felt awesome, but now it’s time to take it even farther. Also along the way my mother died and started me thinking that life is short. Really short. The time is now.

So, let’s talk about the obstacles. Firstly, there’s the eating obstacle. I am a guy who loves to eat, which is how I got to be so fat to begin with back in ‘01. This is something I had to battle with a lot already in order to drop 110lbs so I pretty much have this one under control. It’s still a pain when I want to go out and eat with my friends, though, because going out and eating right are wildly incompatible. Even the salads at your average restaurant are not that good for you. I will be using the daily plate to track my daily caloric intake.

Secondly, there’s the drinking. There is nothing I love better than having a few drinks with my friends and making laps around the bar. This is where all the girls I have dated over the past few years have come from and I’m afraid that not drinking will equal not dating. I’ve spent a lot of nights out with my friends drinking soda water on weekend nights before races and it’s not that fun. Bartenders bitch about serving soda water, everyone tries to talk you into drinking. It can be not that much fun. Certainly not as much fun as being mister funny party man and making out with some random girl in a hallway.

This year I tried out a strict “No Randoms” policy, which I violated a few times but tried mostly to stick to. The policy is that I’m not allowed to make out with or persue girls with whom I do not see myself in a long term relationship. It amounted to having very little sex and being alone a lot more. Part of being in high gear to me is not diluting my energies. Being mister funny party man is fun, but ultimately leads to fatness and heartbreak. Not this year.

This brings me to the mental and philosophical challenges. I am a big believer in the power of mantras, and new goals means new mantras. Most of my mantras include swearing, such as “My name is Fuck You” (for dating) and “I am the mother fucker” (for exercise). I want to look severe and think like an animal. This part is hard to explain.

Racing gets me into a warrior mental state. I feel present and alive and as though I am doing something which matters a lot to me. I progress. My times come down. My distances get farther. It feels amazing. I highly recommend it over any of the drugs and cocktails I have tried, which is a fair number.

Lastly, there’s the pure athletic challenge of going that far. I was reading last night about all the dangers of my brain shutting down and my muscles getting fatigued and so forth. It’s true that racing long distances does hurt. When I crossed the finish line at my olympic distance race I was so completely spent I just wanted to lay down and die. It’s hard to describe, but it also feels good. Really good.

And then there’s the question of what to do next year, but I’m going to worry about what happens next year when it gets here. Maybe I’ll come up with a bigger goal. Maybe I’ll learn to tap dance. I have no idea.

In the unlikely case that I get hit by a bus or trampled by an ibex, I do not wish to be listed in the obituary as a jogger. I’d prefer athlete, philosopher, writer, triathlete, musician or artist. If they call me a jogger I will haunt every one of you to the best of my supernatural abilities.

So, to sum up, I’m hooked on endurance races. I spent 2008 spooling up and doing 5ks and 10ks, cycling races and swimming like a fish. I have no wife, no girlfriend, no kids and I work for myself. My schedule is flexible. I am 34 years old and in good health. I have health insurance.

This is my one year in high gear.