Left hand fingers numb
my friend hammering
if you ever want those days
keep running, friend

Sir, first of all thank you very kindly for your thorough eye love this morning. It really made my run a little brighter that someone would find me that attractive when I’m sweating like a fat man on a July ferris wheel. I am flattered.

Unfortunately, while you seem to be in possession of most of the feminine qualities I look for in a potential mate, I do require them to also actually be female. I realize that this is technically a discriminatory practice, but it suits my needs best.

This does not diminish one iota my appreciation of your platinum blonde mowhawk, just so you know.

It is unfortunate that such a pleasant if somewhat awkward moment of unrequited eye love had to be ruined by your overzealous pit bull, who leaped on me and scratched my leg. Too bad. I have heard that most pit bulls are really docile and friendly, although I am a Labrador man myself.

Anyway, no hard feelings about the scratched leg. Dogs will be dogs, after all. Enjoy the rest of your day!

Yours (figure of speech),
Jim Hodgson

Her breath was like a shoe. I thought this to myself as she was hugging me and holding her beer up in the air and away from her thin body in sort of a perpetual toast. I don’t know why she held her beer that way, but I do know that her breath was like a shoe.

She was pretty, but her eyes looked tired because she was drunk. She hugged almost listlessly, her small cuteness and her small cute breasts lessened somewhat by her level of intoxication.

She was hugging me and it was loud and I was trying to politely hear what she was saying. She said I was a great guitar player, but she couldn’t hear what I was playing. This seemed incongruous to me, but I was inclined to let it slide. Maybe she liked my facial expressions.

She said “Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No,” I said.

“Well is she here?”