So, I was hired to put this thing together somehow. I didn’t know how the hardware worked or how the software worked, but I plugged it all up and started screwing with it. After numerous phone calls to various experts, some of whom were less than thrilled to be fielding my questions, I got it going. There were some kinks, but it basically worked.

Without getting too technical, Johnny’s rig triggers samples from a guitar, which means there are basically limitless possibilities sonically. We found that an actual guitar fires samples (or tracks) better, and this is because the pickup has to wait for half a waveform to go by before it knows to send out a midi note on message, and bass waveforms are much longer than higher note waveforms on a guitar. Oops, I got technical.

I didn’t hear from Johnny all that day, but I did get a call from my boss saying Johnny was worried that I wouldn’t be able to figure it out. Luckily I had the right answer to that question.

We tested the rig, and set up some rehearsals. Each time it’s a case of Rob Wonder and Johnny trying to figure each other out, and me pushing buttons and wiring up this and that so they can make music. Sometimes I put a video camera in their faces and shine a car headlight on them. Sometimes we all go for iced mochas.

It’s good work if you can get it.

Sunday Rob had some health issues that we believe to have been related to the previous night’s party schedule.

“I feel like I am going to shit and puke at the same time,” he said, bending over his turntables and giving his laptop his customary eyebrows-up look.

“You mean shuke?” I asked.

Later we related this to a very friendly bartender at the only open bar late on sunday night that we could locate, which happened to be Trackside in Decatur.

She said “I call that the Stand Up and Turn Arounds”

I work at a company called Avatar Events Group. They are a backline rental and rehearsal facility company, which means that if you are a traveling musical act and you need some gear for a gig or a place to practice in Atlanta, you call them. My friend Kenny runs the place and I help out because he needs the help and I need the cash.

That’s what they call symbiosis, people.

So, I was at the Avatar shop last week, rolling amps around and doing whatever, when Kenny yelled out the door of his office for me. I went to see what he wanted.

“Have you used Reason?” he asked. He had a look in his eye like I am about to eat a delicious ham.

“Yeah.” I said.

“How about Ableton?”

“Yeah I’ve looked at it.”

“Okay, sit down.”

I sat down. Now, someone less used to the way things work in the musical world would be saying shit right now like “What the fuck?” or “What’s all this about?”, but as a veteran I know it’s best to just keep your mouth shut and hang tight. So, I grabbed a chair and hung tight.

In walks our boy Johnny Colt. He looks like you’d think a rock star would. He has sleeved out arms, a jangly chain wallet, some leather Chuck Taylors, and spiky skunk striped hair. He is eyeballing me. He wants to know what I know.

I basically said that based on his parameters, which I will not go into for proprietary reasons and also because they are boring, I was the guy to help him realize his vision. He said he wanted to make sure that I could find the answer to the types of questions he would have.

I said I wouldn’t have any trouble. I’m a cocky prick, I know, but basically if there is something that I cannot figure out, whatever that something is is too fucking complicated and there’s got to be a better way. I’m a guy who can make things happen.

He accepted this and gave me some directions. He was sending some shit over to the shop, and he wanted me to unpack it and figure it out. “Can do.” I said. We broke up the meeting after exchanging phone numbers, and I split for my house to get my laptop as I was going to have to install a bit of software.

Hey, didn’t that guy record one of my favorite albums of all time?

Here I am in the booth at Compound in Atlanta with JC in the background figuring out the Kaoss pad. We await the much-heralded arrival of Rob Wonder. Good times!

I am up early to go meet my new friend Johnny Colt for his radio interview. My stated purpose is to run around the radio studio with a video camera while he’s being interviewed.

Yes, I get paid for this sort of thing. Ridiculous, isn’t it?

Well, Kurt Vonnegut is dead. So it goes.

Thanks for writing my favorite book, Mr. Vonnegut. I hope I realize myself as well someday.