What a futile and desperate form of expression is bathroom graffiti. What makes someone reach in their pocket for the pen? Why must they write “RANDY SUCKS COCKS”? What need does it satisfy?

I can’t imagine. Why not just start a livejournal account and write a poem about Randy’s cocksucking?

I just had the following conversation with a random internet person:

her:  hi
me:  hi
her:  how r u doing
me:  fantastic! how are you?
her:  am good
her:  what is ur name
me:  Why? What's your name?
her:  kelly
me:  Hey Kelly, I'm Jim
her:  ok
her:  where r u from
me:  Space
her:  u r a jerk..go to hell

Holy shit, that cracked me up.

Here’s my latest awesome video!

It is impossible to drive safely in Atlanta. If you dare to maintain a safe distance behind the car in front of you, you will be cut in front of repeatedly until there is no more space. If you dare to use your blinker in traffic, people will speed up to fill the void you’re about to merge into so you can’t get in front of them because they have learned the above lesson.

Also, if you are in a long line of cars waiting to merge off the highway, the length of time you will have to wait increases logarithmically as you go back. This is because many, many drivers zoom past the entire line of cars and muscle their way in at the very front. They will carve across the painted wedges and narrowly avoid guard rails just to cut in line at the beginning. So, everyone behind that point hits the brakes and we all slow down.

The only thing to do is drive aggressively and confidently and never, ever hesitate. After living here for a few years, I get annoyed with people who haven’t already learned these lessons.

Another important driving lesson in Atlanta is never drive anywhere but the center lane on a three lane road, and I’m talking about three lanes on your side, so the road may be six lanes wide total. For some reason, Atlanta city planners are against turn lanes, so the middle-most driving lane for you is a turn lane and a straight lane. If you drive in it, you will get stuck behind someone waiting to turn left sooner or later. Also trut of the outermost land and people waiting to turn right. So, stay in the center until it’s time to turn even if it seems like it’s slower. In the end you will get there faster.

To recap, Here’s my list of Atlanta driving lessons:
1.a. Don’t bother maintaining a safe distance behind other cars. It’s futile.
1.b. Don’t bother using your blinker, it actually decreases your safety by causing other cars to dash in to stop you from merging.
2. Never wait in a long line of cars. Skip to the beginning and muscle in or you’ll be there all day.
3. Drive in the center lane of a three-lane surface street. Piedmont, I’m looking at you.

After riding with me for a few minutes, my sister, who does not live here, said “Well, you’re certainly an Atlanta driver.”

I don’t think that’s a compliment.

I have arrived in Weston, FL at my hotel for Langerado. It has been a rather lengthy 12-hour drive. I have just taken a shower because I can’t sleep when my legs are dirty. They felt sticky.

My companion Andy called me a sticky-leg motherfucker just now. Cops is on. I have already seen two hippies.

I am going to sleep.