Wintry Mix

Every time a winter storm comes through here, the same thing happens. The news goes on full-scale flipout mode as though an ice age were about to begin right here in Atlanta.

This slams the nervous accelerators of our SUV-jockeying housewives directly to the floorboard, and they don’t let up until they careen into the parking lot of a grocery store,. Here they leap from their vehicles and clean out the milk and bread in the store in preparation for the Donner Party style blizzard.

People, this is Atlanta fucking Georgia. It’s just not going to snow that hard here, ever. If the snow even sticks, which is highly unlikely, it will melt by midday. You are going to work tomorrow. Your kids are going to school. Settle down.

Think about it. When was the last time we ever had enough snow to keep anyone home? Yes, it was 1993, and that was the worst winter storm in 100 years. So, we’re probably pretty much done with that for our lifetime.

I voice these opinions every time people get all worked up. “Well,” they say, “I can’t be out late, I’m worried about the road conditions later. There’s a winter storm coming, you know.”

Great, so it will be cold and wet and rainy like always. Granted, a bridge or two in the north end of the state might get a little slick with some ice, but mostly we’re pretty safe.

Let’s all just relax about this winter storm thing, Atlanta.