Woot! I just got back from picking up my CDs. It took about three hours all totaled, and I probably saved myself about $70 in shipping. Plus I got to have them now rather than whenever they shipped them out. Yay!
I got up at the ass crack of dawn this morning, which for me is at 8:30 AM. Many people are already at work and getting shit done at this hour, but I prefer to be laying in the bed with covers piled up over me like a hibernating bear. Not today, though. Daddy’s got shit to do!
I attempted to spring out of bed, but because I did a legs day at the gym yesterday that would have killed a lesser man, I was forced to hobble wincing instead. Not to mention that I was hobbling on two legs and one ass that feel like they are very, very angry.
Anyway long story short, I got up. Next, I washed myself. Unfortunately for me, my housemaid is a lazy douche, and I can say that because I am my housemaid. In the soap dish was not the plentiful and ready bar of soap for the purposes of scrubbing my manly tidbits, but a soft anemic shadow of soap suitable only for lubricating a squeaky hinge. Nevertheless, I pressed on, mostly because I hate leaping wet-assed out of the shower and leaving wet footprints on the carpet. the tiny smudge of soap and I managed to make some headway, good enough for rock and roll anyway, and I got out.
I gave my towel a tentative sniff. It was a bit south of clean, so I tossed it, and went wet-assed in search of a clean one. This required dipping into the bin of clean but not folded clothes that I keep around because my housemaid is a lazy douche. It also required leaving the aforementioned wet footprints on the carpet. Fuckballs! Nevertheless, I pressed on.
I got in the car, put on an audiobook, and hit the road after stopping for a bagel and some coffee. An hour later, I arrived at Denon Digital, the place that duplicated my CDs. You can see in the picture above that I am driving with my customary old man face on. Is it a flattering picture? No it is not. I will press on!
This is Denon Digital’s sign and their building. It’s out in the ass-middle of nowhere, east of Atlanta, but boxes of CDs are heavy and shipping them costs a buttload. I do not have a buttload of money. You can also see a photo of the reserved parking sign that I handily ignored. No one fired any guns or set any murderous hounds upon me, so I figured I was okay to park there after all. Eat shit, sign!
I went inside the nearest door and met a very friendly security guard whose southern accent was nearly impenetrable, and I have lived here in the south all my life. I noticed that there was a sign on the wall that announced that there had been zero days since their last accident. Perhaps I was in danger?
I stepped out of the security guard’s window so that he couldnt see me and snapped the photo above as he made a phone call to announce my arrival . Please note that I am not kidding even a little about the 0 days since accident thing. Accidents can be avoided!
Mister Security directed me to drive through a gate, park near a ramp, and go to some doors. I followed his expert directions, and I was met there by a nice lady in business attire. She let me in the doors and asked what I was there to pick up.
I said “Beep Beep awooga? Jim Hodgson?”
She said okay and told me to stay put. I did as I was told. She checked some lists and talked to another lady. I snapped the below photos of them doing their thing.
She came back with a disc in her hand. She asked me if I would like to see it. I said sure! She put it in my hand, and there it was, the first of my discs all pressed and ready! I signed a paper for her so she could release my discs to me, and it was time to load them in my car! She helped me carry the boxes out, picking up a box partially full. I tested the weight of a boox, then stacked the remaining two one on the other and lifted them both.
“You got them?” she said, obviously taken aback by my raw muscular power. She clearly had no idea of the leg/ass pain I was in.
“Yep.” I confirmed in an unusually deep voice. “I had a proper breakfast, so I’m feeling strong.” Thank you, bagel and yogurt!
“I wish I could say the same,” she moaned. “Coffee really doesn’t do it.”
“Maybe if you put oatmeal in it…” I suggested, because I’m an idiot, and because I was looking for the button to open the car. I loaded the boxes in the back, and it was time to go! The nice lady said goodbye, and went back inside her big gray building, and I hopped in my car. I drove to an automatic gate which was swinging open and closed as though it were clapping with two giant metal hands. I think that security guard was having a bit of fun with me.
Eventually the gates opened and I was free! I popped the CD in to make sure it wasn’t really a tuba concerto or something equally mixed up, and it worked fine! Yay!
So I should be famous in a week or two, now that I have my discs back. Hooray!
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