Well, I got up to leave work this morning and my boss pulled me aside and told me that I wouldn’t need to come back anymore. Yep, I got fired. Apparently some mistakes I made a few nights ago because a pretty big deal inside the company so I got canned.

So, the job search begins!

Stay tuned, folks!

There is much turmoil in the house of late over the kitchen. it is in the process of being renovated, which is a process that takes place during the daytime, and is very loud.

This presents a problem for the residents of our house, because we are, in large part, noctournal, which is a hard habit to keep up when someone is operating all manner of things that go SCREECH and WHAM down the hall. Certain members of the house lobbied hard to get the kitchen renovated, and now are losing sleep over it. I think it may be karma biting them in the ass, but I haven’t spent much time considering it since I’m busy looking out for it to nip at mine.

All things considered, however, everything is going swimmingly. Fall finally showed up and our yard is about a foot thick in leaves. When it rains, the driveway is slicker than snot on a doorknob because of all the wet leaves, but it’s not as though anyone’s going to man up and go out there and take care of it. Besides, burning the leaves up with your screeching tires trying to claw your way up the driveway seems fairly effective as well.

I’m glad to see fall. I like a bit of nip in the air, and cold weather too.

I’m going to give quitting smoking another run and see how it goes. Of couse I have failed miserably every time I have tried it thus far, but sooner or later I will manage to conquor it. It’s merely a matter of time.

I hope everyone’s fall is going as well as mine.

You know, I knew that Britney and Madonna were going to come out with at least a single if not an entire album when they smooched on tv a while ago. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon, it’s true, but I guess some people were taken in, sorta.

Sadly for Madonna and Britney, they rode the wave of publicity into a sea of stinky seal shit, musically speaking. I would now like to publicly lament about how terrible the song in question actually is by making a short list of things that I’d rather do than listen to it. Bear in mind, however, that I actually have listened to it all the way through, much to the chagrin of my girlfriend, who was in the car at the time.

“God this is fucking awful,” I said.

“So change it.”

I kept listening, and saying how awful it was, and she eventually gave up trying to get me to change it. She’s a lot nicer than me. If a song comes on that I don’t want to listen to I sing “SUCK ME OFF SUCK ME OFF” or something equally vulgar along to the melody until she turns it off. I’m a prick, cha cha cha.

Anyway, the list:

1) Visit a nursing home.

I said it would be a short list.

For reference, here are some of the lyrics to the Song Of Seal Shit, as it shall henceforth be known:

[M:] Hey Britney, you say you wanna lose control
[M:] Come over here I got somethin’ to show ya
[M:] Sexy lady, I’d rather see you bare your soul
[M:] If you think you’re so hot, better show me what you got
[M:] All my people in the crowd, let me see you dance
[M:] C’mon Britney lose control, watch you take it down

Uh.

Okay, so anyway… here’s the new version which I have rewritten. Print this out and keep it in your pocket in case it comes on when you’re out somewhere and you have to listen to it. You can sing these words over the other part.

[M:] Cock turtle! You say you wanna screw a mole
[M:] Pies made with beer, I got nipples that glow yeah
[M:] Chesty llama, I’d rather see you smooch Bob Dole
[M:] If your dad stinks a lot, get his damn arm pit hair cut
[M:] All my people in the stall, drop your monkey’s pants
[M:] C’mon Britney smooch that mole, watch you make it frown

Or you could just put your finger in your ear, but then again, where’s that finger been? You know where it’s been.

You nasty little sausage, you.

Yes, that’s right, I am back. I had a great week of not doing diddley shit and generally taking it easy. It was only slightly different from a normal week for me, but I did have extra time for being dumb, which I like.

I also got around to working on a new song for my CD, so that’s coming along well.

This weekend on Halloween, Fran and the boys dressed up as Kiss for their gig over at the Park Bench. Fran had a big curly black wig he was wearing for a while, which went nicely with his face paint. He looked rather like a mime, however, when he took the wig off later in the night.

I was in a Caesar toga and ivy headband which my girlfriend twisted together for me, looking very Animal House Belushi with my unshaven face. I was even careful to get the right size bedsheets to make my toga with so I could use them on my bed later.

I told Fran he looked like a mime the next day. He invited me to play drums with him at his early gig which I gladly accepted, because I don’t get enough chances to hack it up on a drum kit.

“Fuckin mimes,” he said “Soundless bastards, I hate em all.”

Ha ha. Mimes.

Oh yeah, it’s official. I have a girlfriend now.

Her name’s the K and she’s smokin’ hot. Very happy about that. She doesn’t even mind that I fart it up in bed and try to stick my finger up her nose from time to time, or that I work on my Michael Jackson dance moves sometimes in public.