I wish that the day after I was born an evil genius had stolen me from the hospital and installed a missile launcher in my ass that fired small but extremely explosive guided missiles out of my butt. This would enable me to bend over and instantly demolish anything I felt like demolishing.
At this point in time, I would very much like to utterly obliterate the UPS under my coworker’s desk that has been beeping all fucking night, because it is driving me out of my fucking mind, and I think guided highly-explosive ass bombs are definitely the way to go.
Also, it would be good for clearing a path through wooded areas, should I ever need to.
If you liked this post, why not sign up for my rss feed, or better yet, sign up for my email list to get extra awesome resources, tips and comedy!
Hi. I'm 
I'm pretty sure you are too old to be drafted at this point. Sorry to break it to you…
I like mustard on my chili…mmm hmm. You do have some pretty kick ass rock and roll hair. Just letting you know.
The hell you say. The only reason GWB hasn't requested my help kicking ass already is that they haven't had any problems that were large enough to warrant my attention.
haha!!! She (he?) called you old!
eh, it's not about a duty as an american. basically, it just means that you get whatever everyone else not quite and lazy (or jaded) as you picks. so, you don't really even deserve to complain about them being “chock full of shit.” such is life.
My opinion on not voting is as follows: The person who votes only gets to complain if his candidate loses. If the other guy wins, you can complain about him all you want. If your guy wins and then becomes a jerk, you helped to elect the jerk. The person who does not vote did not help to elect any of the jerks who ran for office, so he gets to complain no matter who gets elected. This is only my opinion of course, but I have never voted before. I plan to vote this time, even if I have to write in Arlo Guthrie's name. :-)
Those ass bombs sound too dangerous to me. Imagine if one backfired. It would give a whole new meaning to the term “Weapons of ass destruction”.
Dude, when did you get a job? I thought you were doing your music/author thing fulltime now. Fill me in!
if you ever have missiles enabled in your ass, make sure to fire a couple at my design teacher right when she's about to tell me that the piece i've been working on for hours upon hours isn't good enough.