Sometimes when I get myself good and drunk and my motor skills suffer, I like to imagine that I am undergoing a mutiny attempt upon my person by my personal effects.
Sometimes my Bic lighter conspires with my keys to jab me in the leg through my pocket.
“Mutiny!” I shout, and rearrange them.
The car, of course, is the most mutinous of the bunch, so I refuse to even go near it when I’ve been drinking. I can tame most of its uppity tricks when I am stone cold sober, but after a few drinks it gets the best of me.
This weekend I was set upon in a most cruel and mutinous manner by the following inanimate objects:
- a ’79 fender stratocaster guitar
- a bic lighter (white)
- J-rock’s car door (vw jetta)
- The stairs
- my door
- the lightswitch (too far up the wall to reach while lying on floor)
As you can see, there is a lot of discipline to be handed out to the objects in my life, and by god I am the man to deliver.
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Hi. I'm 
At times, my own body is mutinous.
Mostly when I pee.
A chip rack at the local 7-11 commited mutiny upon my arm on Saturday night. I feel your pain.
Life has taught me that one should always avoid bicycles whilst inebriated. Bicycles are prejudiced against drunkards and buck them off without the slightest provocation, always very publically and with an intention for both maximum humiliation and skin removal. You were lucky it was only a bic.
I'm not terribly surprised to hear about the stairs. Staircases are horrible creatures bent on total annihilation of the human race. I've chipped the bone in my left ankle in exactly the same place TWICE on the very same staircase, in my own home. It likes to reach up and grab me. But I was shocked to see the fender stratocaster on this list. They've never been anything but polite to me. I've not seen one so much as taunt another being in my life. I guess it's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for though, huh?
mostly its just glasses that mutiny against me. conspiring to be too short and cause beer to pour all over my shirt while I'm waiting for it to be in my mouth.