Many times in your life people may ask you questions with you doo not wish to answer. Some of the ones I get asked a lot tend to include the following:
- How many drinks have you had?
- Where have you been?
- Why are you late?
- What were you thinking?
- Are you always this immature?
Friends, I have come up with a few simple methods to get these people off your back.
Now, first of all, you have your old standby phrases like “It seemed like a good idea at the time”. This is a good place to start for you burgeoning idiots out there. Repeat this phrase at whomever is demanding facts from you about why you did something silly or inane, and eventually they will either give up, hit you with something, or explode. Try to survey your surroundings for heavy things they might bonk you with. Never try any of these methods if there is a baseball bat or tennis racket around. Broom handles also hurt. A lot.
Moving up from there, almost any failure on your part to carry out a simple task or arrive on time and sober can be blamed on a “snafu”. This is a term of military origin which means “Situation normal: all fucked up”. Your inquisitor will be confused by the high military grade of this response, and probably wander away. If not, repeat it.
THe next level of these phrases is called the Cha Cha Cha Method. All you do is simply repeat whatever they say to you and add “Cha cha cha!” to the end. Example:
“Hodgson, where the hell have you been, why are you wearing a blue sequinned cocktail dress, and what the fuck are you doing with that golf club?”
“I have a golf club, Cha cha cha!”
“I’m serious! Answer me!”
“You are serious! Cha cha cha!”
As always, repeat as needed.
If this fails entirely, one can almost certainly blame any bizarre or irresponsible behavior on your part on a henweigh. I have previously discussed this, so I will not go into great detail, but here is an example:
“Isn’t that my mom’s dress?”
“Yeah, sorry, there was a henweigh wedged in the closet. Had to get it out with the golf club”
“What’s a henweigh?”
“Oh, I’d say four or five pounds.”
That wraps up the lesson for today, kids. Good luck!
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What if it is an obese hen cha cha cha.
If all else fails, break into song and dance. Try singing just about any song from 'Hair', they either sing along or give up… my theory? They fear the dance, but thats just between us.
Another dumb question, when you carry around a sticker that says “Attack Iraq? NO!” all day…
“Are you against the war?”
Sometimes I want to pull my hair out at idiots.
You know, if you actually DID pull your hair out at idiots – and maybe throw it at them or something – I bet they'd run away. Eventually word would get around, and idiots would keep their mouths shut around you.
You've obviously never been around idiots. They never stop.
Dude, i tried those methods on normal people, but the thing is i think since im the idiot it just backfired.
Boop Be Boop Boop