I have been wondering aloud lately when its going to stop being so rainy in hopes that the weather will take heed and knock it off. Sometimes I shape my thoughts into a prayer in case there are weather gods listening. So far it has not had any effect.
I realize I am not being scientific when I anthropomorphize the weather any more than I am being a good writer when I add “ize” to any word I find laying about, but when you have chosen the life of a hermit as I have sometimes objects around you become your friends. Having said that, it’s true too that my hermit membership is under close scrutiny by the Hermit League these days for a few reasons.
First, because I’ve situated my hermit lair inside the largest metropolitan area in my region, second because I go outside often to ride bikes and to run or to hang out with friends, and lastly and most importantly because I have failed to pay my dues.
Still, it’s easy sometimes to feel that the weather is against me. I just checked the radar for my region and I saw this:
Luckily my exercise plans for today were in the pre-dawn hours inside the cycling training cave. I was somewhat disappointed to learn that it was an easy paced day today, but it turned into a lot of technique building work which I desperately need. I have all the cycling finesse of a blowtorch-wielding sado-dentist.
Now I’m at my desk and ready to get cracking on my work for the day, but I am fighting a lot of distractions. First of all, I am starting a tradition I’m calling High Culture Fridays where I take a break from work on each Friday to go to the High Museum to absorb some culture. I have a tiny but growing art collection at my house, limited somewhat though it is by wall space in my hermit lair as well as by my finances.
It seems that at least one enterprising artist has solved both of these problems by inventing a piece of artwork that continually sells itself on eBay. This way it not only conserves space by not being around your house for very long, but you also might make more on it than you bought it for a week ago. The current listing for the device isn’t very forthcoming with info, but you can at least see that it’s not cheap.
I’m tempted to buy it, but I’d need the price to come down a bit.
Or I could just raise money by auctioning off the rights to scribe someone’s name on my ass.
What a state our economy has gotten into these days! One might even call it beautiful and yet tragic, like a pretty girl with a huge misspelled tattoo on her chest.
Take care out there and have a great weekend, my friends!



















Hermitar!
An associate of mine, who shall remain nameless because I let slip to her some sensitive hermitage-related details, successfully talked me into leaving my lair and viewing a film on Saturday night. I figured I was going to be the recipient of some hermit-related chiding, so I decided to head that off at the pass.
I drove to her apartment building and hunkered down in the lobby to wait for her to emerge wearing a trench coat, fedora, and huge dark sunglasses. I thought the concierge might have a thing or two to say about me lurking and having every appearance of a charlatan, but he merely regarded me briefly and went back to concierge-ing.
It would have been even more appropriate to appear swaddled entirely in animal skins and smeared with the ashes of a wood fire, but I didn’t think of that until too late, and anyway it was too cold to be prancing around barefoot.
It’s tough to find a casual shoe that matches animal skins.
Finally my associate came down and discovered me lurking in my hermit-away-from-hermitage getup, and then sat on me and hugged me and we were away.
You don't know me, you never saw me, I wasn't here, medium popcorn please.
The upshot of all this is that I finally saw Avatar in 3D this weekend. I’m glad I saw it before it left the big screen. I might have had some trouble making sure that not one of the Na’vi has nipples on my home TV. But no, they are completely nipple-free, which destroys one of my criteria for a good movie. Namely, naked girls.
James Cameron has wisely forced everyone to wear nerdy black spectacles when watching the movie, so that your subconscious nerd feels glad to be seeing scantily clad alien babes rather than full nude alien babes. It’s a swindle, people!
The movie does have a lot of flying creatures swooping around, which I am willing to accept as a stand-in for a car chase, and a lot of rounds of ammunition get fired off, so those two criteria are certainly met.
However, it also has a lot of the Papyrus font in the titles and subtitles, which rubs me slightly the wrong way, like getting a warm hug from someone who burps loudly at the end.
Still, it was good to see the film, and good to get out of the house, though I forced my associate to promise not to tell anyone I said that. I also drank a huge soda and ate popcorn, though I can still only chew with one side of my teeth thanks to my recent dental nightmare.
I was glad to get to use the soda cup filling robots in the theater as well. You use a touch screen to select the flavor of your future fatness, then press a huge button and the machine pees a finger-thick torrent of the stuff directly into your cup. It is marvelous. I bet kids love it.
All things considered, I had a great time and enjoyed the movie.
I assume there will be an “Empire Strikes Back” style sequel to come in the next few years, and I look forward to it as well.
I’ll go the animal skins and wood ash route for that one.